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Humility

LeadershipREPOST

REPOST: Listening With the Intent to Understand

by Ron Potter
A Note From the Editor:
As we recently mentioned, we are reposting popular blog posts while Ron is recovering from some health issues.

The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. It’s okay. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. I know you can.

If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of checklist:

  • Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those.
  • That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that.
  • That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home.
  • I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. How could they be so naive?

Then the moment happens. The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. It makes no difference; it’s a pause.
So you jump in:

“Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”

And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats.

If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. Most of us do it. Most of us do it most of the time. It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it.

When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. You’re wondering:

  • I wonder why they believe that?
  • I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past?
  • I wonder who they trust on this and why?
  • I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome?

If you’re truly curious and wondering, then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different.
Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts.
You may actually ask if there is a conclusion on further thought.
You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background.

Whatever you’re response. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. This sparks a very different reaction on their part.
A few key things happen from their point-of-view:

  • Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view.
  • They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it.
  • And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view.

Steven Covey, in his The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about.

Listen with the intent to understand. Practice it. Use it often. You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view.
Try it. It will be refreshing.

And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of great leaders is humility. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand.

What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand?

This post was originally posted here on January 15, 2015.
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BlogLeadership

Boss – Leader

by Ron Potter

On LinkedIn the other day, Fabio Moioli displayed a chart with the differences between a Boss and a Leader.  I thought it was well done and here are the ten he listed:

Touchy, Feely Consultant

The more I looked at the list the more powerful it became.  I’ve had bosses that fit mostly in the Boss category and a few bosses that fit into the Leader category.  I had a very successful consulting career for 30 years.  As I looked at the list and thought about how I conducted my consulting work, I believe much of the success I experienced was due to the fact that I worked off the Leader list as much as possible.  It also struck me that it had been very difficult functioning as a helpful consultant when the person I was working with believed very much in the Boss list.

I remember one vice president who functioned on the Boss side of the ledger.  To start with, he could just not figure out why his boss had hired me to help him with his leadership skills.  After all, he had been very successful (in his mind) working on the Boss side of the ledger.  Why on earth would he need this touchy, feely consultant?  He just didn’t get it.

Almost everyone who had worked for him over the years had either asked for a transfer or left the company.  When I asked him about that statistic, he considered them weak and blamed them for their failures.  It obviously had nothing to do with him.

Boss vs Leader

If you’re in a leadership position, think about each of those terms.

  • When you’re talking about the success of your group, are you talking about the great example you presented so that your team would do the right thing?
  • When you give an assignment to one of your direct reports, do you explain every detail and how you want it done, or do you allow them to be creative?  I’ve worked with people who had that micromanaging boss and it wasn’t long before they stopped taking any initiative and just waited for the boss to tell them what to do.
  • It’s easy to criticize.  It takes work and discipline to encourage when things go wrong.  I’m a football fan.  You can always tell what kind of coach you’re watching just by how they treat their players when the player makes a mistake.  Those who encourage the player and help them learn build great teams full of players that want to do their best.
  • Focusing on weaknesses vs strengths can be a tough one.  I don’t believe it’s a good idea to ignore weaknesses but it’s also important to help your team learn from their weaknesses and turn them into strengths.
  • I’ve also been in team meetings where the boss never shuts up.  Pretty soon most of the participants tune out what is being said and never learn.  The leader who listens and encourages grows great teams.
  • Whether they intend to or not, bosses are always inspiring others.  They either inspire fear or enthusiasm.  Inspiring fear brings the growth of a team to a halt.  As a leader, make sure others are inspired to be enthusiastic and do better.  Growing teams become powerful teams.

Easy to Get Trapped

It’s very easy to remain a Boss when you should be a Leader.  Being a Leader brings risks.  If the team fails, you feel like you’re failing.  But don’t make the mistake of believing that being a Boss will eliminate failure.

The best approach to becoming (or remaining) a Leader is to have a confidant who will tell you the straight story.  This confidant may be an outside or inside consultant.  It may be someone on the team who you trust and who is not afraid to tell you straight out how you’re performing.  It may be someone totally removed from the work environment that you can talk with and be straight with and they’ll be straight with you.

But all of these things are difficult to see on your own.  It takes a partner of some sort who you trust will give you the straight scoop.

Being a Leader

It’s difficult to be a Leader.  It takes hard work, good listening skills, and a lot of humility.  Find someone you trust who you can be honest with and they’ll be honest with you.  It will pay you great rewards.

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BlogPersonal

Influential People

by Ron Potter

A few weeks ago I talked about Ashira Jones and the influence she had on my life.   She may not even remember meeting me.

I decided to talk about a few other people who were also an influence in my life.

I would have to list my father as number one on that list.

My Father

My father grew up in a small town in southern Michigan where he also raised me and my siblings.  For the most part, he only left Michigan a couple of times in his life.

The most impactful departure was WWII.  His first assignment was in Northern Africa.  He was part of the force that chased Rommel across and then out of North Africa.  That part of his military career was part of the Allied Forces that fought the Germans in Tunisia and drove them from the African continent and back to Europe.  (My daughter and her husband now live in Tunis.  My son-in-law is the Facility Manager for the US Embassy there.)  As my father’s unit chased Rommel back into Europe he ended up in Anzio.  There was one of the worst battles for the Allied Forces and he lost a leg from a shrapnel hit and was shipped home.

With one leg (which must have left him in constant pain) he wore an ill-fitting artificial leg (nothing like the high-tech legs of today) and yet started a bottled-gas business that required him to wrestle 100-pound propane cylinders (empty) and crawl under old farmhouses (the rural community was converting from coal and fuel oil to propane).

And yet I never heard him complain about his life.  He was a fantastic human being and anytime I feel like I could complain about my life circumstances, I think of him.  He was one of the most influential people in my life.

My Physics Instructor

Mr. Steven Ray was my high school physics instructor.  It seemed to me that he was always “picking” on me.  He would always be saying “Potter, what’s the answer?”  “Potter, what were the steps you took to come to your conclusion?”  “Potter, come to the board and show the class your work.”

One day I ran into him in a back hallway with no one around.  I asked him why he was always picking on me.  His answer was “Because you’re worth it.”  That stopped me in my tracks.  I had nothing I could say.  After a few minutes silence, he smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

He was the only high school teacher that I visited after graduation.

Your Real Value

For many years, I worked with a client that ran a global company.  After one session where we had employees for Europe, Asia, North American, and South America, we were sitting in his office talking about the day.  The name of my company was Team Leadership Culture.

He started by telling me what a great job we had done building teams.

Next, he told me how I had taught him to be a great leader.

Finally, we talked about taking this learning throughout the culture.

There we had it.  Team Leadership Culture.  I was feeling very good about what we had accomplished.  Then he said, “But your real value is…”  I was floored.  He had just listed every element of my business TLC and I had no idea what he was talking about.  We were in his office with our shoes off and just chatting.  He said that my real value was when we just sat around and talked about where the company was and how he was doing.  He found as much value in that as he did when I was working on TLC.

Influential People Is a Choice

Just like the “firsts” that I wrote about last, the people that have been influential in our lives help shape us into the human beings that we are.  But keep in mind that we have a choice about who influences our lives.  Look at their character.  Are you being influenced by people of high character?  Take a look at what they talk about and how they see the world.  Is everything focused on them?  Do they see the world as being against them?  If we have selected people of high character and people who think more of others than they do themselves, they’re worth having as people of influence in our lives.  In fact, they’ll see more about who we are than we do ourselves.  They’re worth being chosen as People of Influence in our lives.

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BlogPersonal

Bananas

by Ron Potter

I’m sorry for the missed blogs the last several weeks.  In the last several years I’ve never missed a blog until my recent health issues.  I was shocked at how many blogs I had missed which speaks to the health issue I’ve been experiencing lately.

We are blessed enough to own a cabin in Northern Michigan.  There are only 16 cabins on 500 acres of property.  It’s a wonderful place to rest and recuperate.  One of our long-time friends owns a place just a few doors from us.  Unfortunately, he is suffering from cancer that he was diagnosed with almost as soon as he retired.

When we stopped the other day to see how things were going, his wife said he woke up with a desire for bananas and wanted to know if we had any.  We did have bananas and went back to our cabin to retrieve them.  When we returned she came to the car to retrieve the bananas.  I said, “It was a good thing you came to the car because if I had brought them up to their cabin, they would have all been spoiled by the time I made it to the house.”

She laughed and said that I had not lost my sense of humor.

There are two lessons to learn from that story.

  1. There is always someone in worse shape than you so don’t get hung up on how bad you have it.
  2. Never lose your sense of humor.  No matter how bad things are, humor always seems to help.

Sorry for the Delay

Again, I’m sorry for the absence of blogs over the last several weeks.  Hopefully, my health is good enough that I’ll be able to keep then going.

Let me recap the lessons from this week’s blog.

Always Someone Worse

No matter how bad you feel, there is always someone worse.  There’s a group of us that usually play golf together at least once in the spring.  Of the four of us, I have inherited liver disease, one has cancer, one has a neurological issue, and one has heart disease.  There is always someone in worse shape.

Never Lose Your Sense of Humor

Laugh at everything.  Things are always easier to handle with humor.  Never lose your sense of humor.

 

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BlogCulturePersonal

Physical Therapy

by Ron Potter

I’ve been in Physical Therapy (PT) for the last several weeks.  It’s a concept that can strike terror into your heart.

Pain

There is no shortage of pain or suffering while you’re at PT.  In fact, I’ve accused them of updating machines from the torture of evil dungeons.

The staff at PT doesn’t let up on the pain and suffering caused by their work.  In fact, they won’t let up until I get it right or I get enough repetitions to produce some gain from the effort.  They’re relentless in causing pain and suffering in order to gain ground on my ailment.

Encouraging

However, during the effort that is painful and exhausting, I find the staff to be very encouraging and motivating.  What causes this seeming dilemma?  On the wall, they have posted their dozen rules to live by.

Dozen Rules to Live By

  1. Live God-Centered
  2. Love People and Build Relationships
  3. Create Remarkable Experiences Through Exceptional Service
  4. Promote Growth and Embrace Change
  5. Be Generous
  6. Pursue Excellence
  7. Be Efficient
  8. Act with Honesty and Integrity
  9. Stay Humble
  10. Utilize Strengths and Passions
  11. Encourage Autonomy, Innovation, and Clarity
  12. Be Transparent

Let me expand on a few of these.

Live God-Centered

God doesn’t promise a pain-free life.  Be he does promise to love us and will always be with us.  That’s what the people at physical therapy do.  They are always with us through the entire exercise set and they make us feel cared for and appreciated when they’re administrating pain (in an effort to make us better).

Love People and Build Relationships

As people approach the end of their life, their minds turn to relationships.  I hope I have many years left but I do find my mind and memories turning to relationships.

I received a text message from a friend I first knew forty years ago.  I was so glad to get that message that I immediately called him back.  He had coded the first computer program I ever developed.  We spent many hours going through the code and becoming great friends along the journey.

Promote Growth and Embrace Change

Change is the part of life that people seem to resist the most.  Although things are constantly changing, there seems to be a desire to ignore or deny that things are changing.  Things constantly change.  Embrace it.

Act with Honesty and Integrity

Honesty and Integrity are the elements that people remember about us.  You can be generous, excellent, and efficient (numbers 5, 6, and 7) above, but honesty and integrity are what people will remember about you.

Be Humble and Transparent

Humility and transparency (numbers 9 and 12) are the two other aspects that will be long remembered.  People with these traits seem to be fully trusted and are long remembered.  When you’re administering pain (in PT) people must feel your humbleness and transparency or they won’t come back.

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BlogIn-Depth Book Reviews

Anyway

by Ron Potter

Anyway by Kent Keith is a small quick read book.  But, in spite of its small size, it is packed full of wisdom.

I’ll list all of the 10 Paradoxical Commandments here so that you can see all of them but then touch on a few that I believe are very powerful.

  1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
    Love Them Anyway
  2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
    Do Good Anyway
  3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
    Succeed Anyway
  4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
    Do Good Anyway
  5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
    Be Honest and Frank Anyway
  6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest ideas.
    Think Big Anyway
  7. People favor underdogs but follow only the top dogs.
    Fight for a Few Undergood Anyway
  8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
    Build Anyway
  9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
    Help People Anyway
  10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the World the Best You Have anyway

Love them, do good, succeed, be honest and grand, think big, fight for a few underdogs, build, help, give your best, ANYWAY!

So few of us do it anyway.  There always seem to be obstacles in the way.  I think some of the worst are personal fear and worrying about what others think.  I’ve often heard “what will others think?”  People who are driven by what others think never achieve their own satisfaction, desires, and goals.  As the book says, people always look for ways of stopping you and criticizing you.  Somehow it makes them feel better about themself or superior by stopping your goals and ideas even though they have either non or very small goals themselves.

Let’s take a look at a few of these that I believe have a major impact.

Do Good Anyway

The profound statement in this section is “People who act on their own selfish interior motives commonly accuse others of doing the same thing.”

I can’t say that I’m totally clear of selfish motives.  But I accomplish enough things without ulterior motives that I’m always surprised that other people think I’m only doing things for selfish reasons.

My first reaction is one of total confusion and amazement.  It seems the other person believes I’m doing something entirely for personal reasons when I feel that I’m doing something for the good of the whole or the benefit of another person.  I’m totally confused and taken back.  Then as I think about it, I realize that the person who thinks I’m doing something for selfish reasons runs their whole life on accomplishing things for totally selfish reasons.  Because of this, they assume that everyone does things for selfish reasons and can’t even comprehend when someone is not driven by selfish reasons.

There is no way for them to understand doing something for the good of others because they would never think that way.  Unfortunately, there are too many people in the world who think that way.  It’s good for us to understand who they are, realize that they would never understand our motives, and do good anyway.

Think Big Anyway

Only a few people seem to think big.  One of the reasons is that people don’t think of themselves as being “qualified.”  I’ve gone through three different careers and have never felt qualified.  Even though I had an engineering degree, it mostly taught me about the mathematics of engineering.  I never felt “qualified” to walk structural steel 160 feet in the air.

My second career was developing a software company at the beginning of the microcomputer industry.  I never felt qualified.

My third career was running a consulting business.  I called it TLC (Team Leaders Culture).  I never felt qualified to dispense wisdom in those three areas until a CEO client of mine told me one evening that I was good at all three (building teams by teaching leadership and transferring it down through the culture). But my real value was simply talking with him during our evening chats.  I now felt qualified to simply talk with the client about any topic.

Living the Paradoxical Life

Living the paradoxical life finds great personal meaning in loving and helping others find meaning in their lives.

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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Perplexed

by Ron Potter

We’ve been looking at a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.

In this blog, we’ll be looking at the second word on the list, perplexed.  Webster defines perplexed as completely baffled, very puzzled.

Some similar words include mystify, bewilder, dumbfounded, and worry.  Have you sat in on a meeting where people are speaking a different language from your own?  Maybe you know a word or two but for the most part, you’re mystified, bewildered, and maybe worried that you’re not understanding what is being said and maybe you should be.

He Was Perplexed

At one point in my career, I spent a couple weeks in the Middle East.  After a few weeks back home speaking English, the only Arabic word I remembered was shukran which means thank you.  I had a client meeting in California and the driver who picked me up from the airport spoke Arabic.  On the 45-minute journey to the meeting site, he was speaking on his phone in Arabic, so I understood virtually none of the conversation.  Upon arriving at our meeting place I politely said shukran for the pleasant ride.  The driver was dumbfounded!  He almost stammered when he asked if I knew the language.  I let him worry for a few seconds then said that shukran was the only word I knew.  The blood returned to his face.  Dumbfounded, bewildered, worried.  You name it, he was perplexed.

Almost every company I have worked with through the years has reduced their conversation to acronyms.  It always took me several meetings before I knew what they were talking about when they used FOMO for “Fear of Missing Out” or some other crazy acronym.  It never bothered me much because I was the outsider.  If I hadn’t figured it out in a meeting or two, I would ask.  However, for those who were part of the team, everyone assumed they knew what it stood for and asking was frowned upon.  They were perplexed.

We Will All Be Perplexed

Once again, the ancient text indicates that all of us will be perplexed at one time or another.  We don’t like being perplexed because it makes us feel uncomfortable or like an outsider.  One of our approaches is to assume we know it all.  We think that we’re not perplexed, and they don’t know what they’re talking about.  We tend to write them off as lost, faking it, saying things that seem profound but are really covering up their ignorance.

This is a dangerous approach.  We must be humble enough to ask, to display our ignorance if necessary.  We may get that original rolling of the eyes, but if we do sincerely ask what we’re missing, it may give us the opportunity to share something we know and actually help the situation.  The rolling of the eyes will quickly turn to respect and trigger good discussion.

Overcoming Being Perplexed

The best way to overcome or avoid being perplexed is to ask questions.  Be humble and sincere but ask the question about your perplexity.  Often, we’ll find out that each member of the team may be referring to something slightly different from the other team members.  They’re also perplexed but may not even recognize it.  Good questions lead to good discussion.  It’s interesting that the solution to being perplexed will often lead to the solution for affliction, which is united discussion about good solutions.

Have you ever noticed that the person who leads to the most innovative answer is the young person, the new person, or the person whose knowledge is in an entirely different area?  They don’t know that they don’t know and therefore ask some of the most profound questions that lead to innovative solutions.  They are perplexed, so they ask questions to cure their own perplexity but that can often lead to a more interesting discussion.  However, once that person has been around long enough to know “how things are done here,” their perplexity is either gone or kept silent.  Those profound questions no longer come.  This is a dangerous place to be.

Encourage perplexity!  As you work your way through being perplexed, great discussions can happen that lead to a much better understanding by everyone and may even come up with some great innovative solutions.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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BlogLeadership

Humility isn’t a Byproduct of Heroism, it’s a Precondition.

by Ron Potter

I recently read an article by Sam Walker in the Wall Street Journal that had an amazing headline.  That headline: “In a Life-or-Death Crisis, Humility is Everything”

In the article Walker writes about:

  • Alfred Haynes, the pilot that brought the DC-10 to a landing after the rear engine blew up and took out all three of the planes independent hydraulic lines
  • Chesley Sullenberger, who ditched a plane in the Hudson River without a single fatality after losing two engines. (Tom Hanks made the movie “Sully” based on the accident.)
  • Luis Urzua, the forman at the Chilean mine cave-in that helped his team survive 10 weeks before a rescue could happen.

Humility was the Common Denominator

The common denominator in each of the cases was the humility of the leaders.

In the first example, Captain Haynes was faced with a hydraulic failure that engineers pegged at roughly a billion to one chance of happening.  When Haynes asked his flight engineer to look up the procedure for steering a DC-10 under these circumstances the flight engineer replied “There isn’t one.”  Haynes didn’t get angry, he just went to the next possible solution.  Capt. Haynes spoke calmly and clearly to ground controllers and even thanked them for their assistance.

Six days later, he was healthy enough to be wheeled not a press conference.  “There is no hero,” he said, “There is just a group of four people who did their job.”

He never took any personal credit.  He placed all the credit on his crew doing their job.  He was humble.

In the second example, Sully, in his first public statement said that after losing both engines and ditching his plane in the Hudson River without a single fatality said, “We were simply doing the jobs we were paid to do.”  He was humble.

In the last example of the Chilean mine cave-in, Luis Urzua, after being trapped below ground for ten weeks insisted on being the last man out when rescue finally came.  He was humble.

Humble Business Leaders

Sam Walker suggests that many of these celebrated leaders have a remarkable mix of courage and humility.  On the surface, these two words seem to be the opposite of each other.  Can you be courageous and humble at the same time?  Can you display courage while being humble?  Yes, you can!

In fact, it’s important that you exhibit and live both.  Most business leaders seldom face situations where they make life or death situations.  At least not in those terms.  But often leaders face situations where the work lives and livelihood of many of their employees lie in the balance.  It takes courage to make and then stick with those kinds of decisions.

Several years ago one of my clients faced that kind of decision.  They were going to have to terminate the jobs of a large percentage of employees.  It was a gut-wrenching decision.  This company had facilities all over the country.  The employees didn’t work in one location.  Based on that dispersion of employees around the country that would be losing their jobs, they decided to rent jets so that they could visit every location over the span of two days.

In those two days, they sat with the employees that were going to be impacted and listened to their feelings and concerns.  They didn’t explain why the decisions had to be made or the logic behind the decision.  They just listened.  After each meeting, the employees still felt bad about what they were facing but they also felt that had been listened to and understood.  They had experienced humble leaders who were making courageous decisions.  In the end, those employees moved on quicker and felt better about the culture of the company.  They had experienced humble leaders.

Courageous and Humble

It takes both.  Courageous decisions are often without the needed ingredient of humility.  In this case, humility requires listening and empathizing.  It also takes courage to provide both of those.

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BlogLeadership

Papa by the Pond

by Ron Potter

The Essay

This was an essay written by my granddaughter:

“Bend your knees,  watch the ball, steady swing.  Good Job, you hit the green.”  A very influential person in my life has been my grandfather.  He has taught me so many things.  Through all the ups and downs of life, he has been the same Papa Bear who is always cheering me on and making me feel special.  I want him to know I appreciate everything he has done in my life and even the small acts of kindness don’t go unnoticed.

My grandpa is the most kind-hearted person I know.  He is always asking how I’m doing, my opinion on things, and what I’m interested in.  He always wants to know about what I’ve been up to and he never gets bored when we talk.  My grandpa asked me what my favorite TV show was.  I said The Flash.  That night he went home and started watching it.  The next time I saw him he had all these questions for me about the show.  He made me feel really special and like someone cared about my opinion.  My grandpa has so much kindness in his heart and he shows it to everyone.  He has shown me there is always a reason to be kind to someone and strive to live that way every day.

Papa Potter has had many health problems but he never lets them keep him from still investing in my life or playing golf with his friends.  He takes time with everyone he cares about and makes sure they know he loves them and they are important.  My grandpa makes me feel so special even with all the things going on in his life and being super tired all the time.  He still takes the time to teach me to golf or just talk.  He takes his time every summer to take all the grandchildren to the golf course.  He lets all of us hit as many as we want and gives us pointers so we can get better. My grandpa has taught me that even with everything going on in this world, I can’t let it take up my whole life.  Even if I am stressed and have multiple things going, it doesn’t need to control my life.  I have to keep living and loving.

Last year, my grandpa received the Alumni of the Year award from his high school.  He had to make a speech for the event and he never talked about himself.  He only talked about all the people who influenced him.  He always cares about others before himself.  He has shown me it is really important to be humble and care for others and not be so consumed with one’s self.  No one will get anywhere in life if all they care about is themselves.  They won’t make life-long friends that will help them grow to become a better person.  Being humble is the most important thing my grandpa has taught me.

My grandpa is an engineer and he comes up with the coolest things to do with his grandchildren.  He makes the activities fun while still teaching us something important.  One summer, my family and I were up north at our cabin.  It is right by a little creek that we can float down.  He took us to the beginning of the creek and we would stop every 50 feet and then draw the shape of the creek and write down what we saw.  After we made it all the way to our cabin, we put all of our drawings together and made a map of the creek with all the bends and bridges.  It was the highlight of my summer.  My grandpa has a very innovative mind and puts so much energy into creating something fun for everyone.

I want to tell my grandpa I love him and thank him for everything he has done for me.  He has been the most influential person in my life and I don’t know what I would do without him.  He is such a kind and amazing human being.  I want him to know his grandchildren appreciate everything he has done because I know we don’t tell him enough. If I could tell him anything I would tell him I love him and he is my favorite person in the world.

My grandpa has taught me too many things to count.  The way he gives kindness, his drive, and his humility have all been very influential attributes in my life.  He is my favorite person.

I admit I cried when I read her essay.

Mentor

However, I immediately thought about being a mentor.  Many of the people that my granddaughter talks about in the alumni speech I would consider mentors.  They influenced my life.  They added directions to my thoughts and in many ways guided me.

Many of the things my granddaughter talks about in the essay should be considered mentoring—

  • Cheering another on.
  • Making another feel special.
  • Asking “How are you doing?”
  • Wondering “What’s your opinion on this topic?”

That is mentoring— building people up, helping them feel good about themselves and how they view the world.

Corporate Mentoring Programs

I’ve never been much of a fan of the structured mentoring programs I’ve seen at various corporations.  They too often seem about the older person parceling out their “wisdom” to the younger person.  They seem to be about tasks and projects, not about the value and worth of the employee.  They aren’t really mentoring programs, they’re more about training programs and telling the person what and how to do things.

True mentoring programs are powerful.  Pseudo mentor programs are somewhat demeaning.

Full Story

Just to give the full story here, when I told my granddaughter that I cried when I read her essay.  She said “Oh good.  When I tell my teacher that it will probably get me some extra credit.”

Oh well, so much for being a good mentor!

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BlogLeadership

Are You the Smartest or the Hardest Working?

by Ron Potter

Jamie Dimon has been a very successful leader of JPMorgan Chase for many years.  He talked of the traits to succeed that I found very interesting.

Traits of Successful Leaders

Mr. Dimon’s list of successful leadership traits included:

  • Humility
  • Openness
  • Fairness
  • Authenticity

He also included a shortlist of traits that don’t lead to being a successful leader.

  • Smartest person in the room
  • Hardest working person in the room

Later in the article, he enhanced these traits even further by distinguishing between management and leadership.

He identifies Management as

  • Get it done
  • Follow-up
  • Discipline
  • Planning
  • Analysis
  • Facts, facts, facts

This is a great list and is much needed to run a business.  But these are management traits, not leadership traits.

Dimon goes on to say that the key to leadership is not just doing the management thing but having respect for people. (Italics mine)

Elements of Leadership

Humility.  This is the number one trait of great leadership that I list in my book Trust Me.  The understanding of humility has taken a wrong turn since the original definition.  Humility is not being a doormat or turning the other cheek.

The original definition of humility meant tremendous power under complete control.   Notice that there is tremendous power.  Much of that power is identified in Dimon’s management list above.  But leadership has this strong element of humility.  One of the key elements of humility is having a deep respect for every individual.  If that respect is not there, it leaves untethered power.

Humility is the number one issue of great leadership.  Humility doesn’t happen without a deep respect for each individual.

Openness.  Some of the words related to openness include accessible, lack of secrecy, and frankness.  Being open means that you’re accessible.  Being accessible in general, people can talk with you at any time about anything.

Being accessible in meetings—because people feel and experience the respect you have for them, they are completely at ease talking about any issue.  And because you’re frank, they also know they can state their beliefs and assumptions and they’ll hear the same from you.  They also know that your frank opinion is not the final say but another point of view to be considered in the “team” decision.

Fairness.  Once again, a dictionary definition is very helpful:  “Impartial and just treatment or behavior without favoritism or discrimination.”  Can you see the equal respect for each individual in that statement?  Being fair with your team means taking each and every opinion and belief as equally valid.

Great teams understand that their individual beliefs and assumptions may not be the final answer but if they feel listened to with great respect, then they believe a great team decision will result.

Authenticity.  Authentic people are the same no matter what the circumstances.  There’s no question that you’ll hear the same thing from an authentic person regardless of who they’re speaking to.  They’ll say the same thing to an employee as they will to their boss.  There is no doubt in anyone’s mind.  They are simply themselves regardless of the situation or person they’re speaking with.

Be authentic.  Not being authentic is clearly and immediately noticeable by anyone and everyone.

Are You a Great Leader?

Or do you hope to become a great leader?  Yes, you’ll need to be a good manager but “good” managers begin to let their leadership traits come through even when they’re in a management position.  Even if you’re just a manager you can let the traits of a leader—Humility, Openness, Fairness, Authenticity—come through.

Great leadership traits always shine brighter than great management abilities.

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BlogLeadership

Being Smart vs Not Being Stupid

by Ron Potter

It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten

by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.

– Charlie Munger, Berkshire Hathaway.

Most of us would consider Charlie and his partner, Warren Buffet, as being really intelligent.  And yet, here he is saying it’s more advantageous to be consistently not stupid.

Let’s examine those two words—intelligent and stupid.

Intelligent

One definition is “having or showing intelligence, especially of a high level.” (Italics is mine.)

I believe it’s one thing to be intelligent but a very different thing to show intelligence.  We’ve all seen or even commented on the person who is highly intelligent but seems to have no “common sense”.  It’s one thing to be very intelligent about a specific issue but in general, not understanding how the world works as a whole (common sense).

It took me too long to figure this one out.  As a youngster in high school, I was often reminded how intelligent I was.  I just seemed to “get things” like math and physics (not so much chemistry though…) and I had a great curiosity for geography and history.  These were subjects that just came to me.

I wasn’t trying to be the top student but I found I could get acceptable grades just by being smart.

Upon entering Engineering School things were a bit more difficult but once again, I just seemed to get most of the topics without a great deal of effort.  I found I could be one of the fastest at calculations.  I could often just see things and come up with the right answer in my head.  Once again, being highly intelligent seemed to be all I needed.

It wasn’t until I began my career as a leadership and team consultant and coach that I began to realize that being right wasn’t the best approach.  If I acted too smart, there was always someone there to shoot me down at the first opportunity.  My intelligence was not going to help me be a good coach and consultant.

I remember working with one team of a very large corporation that seemed to be stuck.  One of the youngest members of the team asked for some personal time with me.  His first question was “You see what’s going on don’t you?”  My answer was yes.  With that, he then asked, “Are you going to get in there and tell them what they’re doing wrong?”  My answer was no.  He seemed astonished.  Why would I not tell them exactly what I was seeing in order to correct it?  I explained to him that I can’t teach anyone anything, the only thing I can do was to help them learn.

I had learned that being right carried no weight at all.  Helping them learn at their own pace was the only thing that worked regardless of what I was seeing.

Stupid

Stupid is as stupid does.

– Forest Gump.

Don’t confuse stupid with ignorance.  Ignorance means “lack of knowledge or information.”  Ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge.  Stupid has full knowledge—you just ‘know better’.

Maybe one of the best ways to look at the word stupid is by examining its antonyms.  These antonyms include brainy, bright, clever, fast, nimble, quick, quick-witted.  Remember that these are antonyms.

That means stupid is not:

  • brainy
  • bright
  • clever
  • fast
  • nimble
  • quick
  • quick-witted

Remember that Charlie says the advantage comes by not being stupid.

Don’t be brainy, bright, or clever.  All of these signal that you’re smarter than everyone else.

Don’t be fast or nimble.  The means you reach your conclusions quickly.  You’re not listening well and trying to absorb what’s being explained.

Don’t be quick or quick-witted.  Quick-witted means coming to quick, humorous conclusions.  This can often mean that you’re covering up your own stupidity by offering a humous statement— that covers up your lack of understanding.

Consistently not Stupid

Charlie says they try to be consistently not stupid.  This means it takes a great deal of effort to continually act in a non-stupid way. 

I believe the key to being consistently ‘not stupid’ is to be consistently humble.

It takes a great deal of effort to overcome our natural desire to be the best.  But being the best doesn’t mean having the answer first and always being right.  Being the best means sharing your opinions when it makes sense and always realizing that they are only your opinions.

Fully respecting others and their opinions makes you the best and goes a long ways toward not being stupid.

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BlogLeadership

Entitled Anger

by Ron Potter

“What we know is that entitlement is correlated with anger, meaning the more entitled you are the angrier you get,” said Ryan Martin, the author of Why We Get Mad: How to Use Your Anger for Positive Change.

Entitled

What does it mean to be entitled?  A dictionary definition is:

believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment
Italics are mine.

Believing oneself!  Yes, it can come from your position in the pecking order but the definition says that you believe you’re entitled and deserve special treatment.

Leadership and Entitlement

I’ll remind my readers that the number one attitude of a great leader is humbleness.  I would say that being humble is the opposite of feeling entitled.

We’ve all run into the entitled leader.  Actually, they are not leaders, they’ve simply obtained a position of leadership.  But they believe that because they have become a VP or general manager, they’re entitled to special treatment and feel no hesitancy to use a command and control style.

Anger

Anger can be real and justified at times.  Even Jesus displayed anger at the money changers that were taking advantage of the poor.

The money changers were taking advantage of those who visited the temple.  This made Jesus angry and he said “My house shall be called the house of prayer”.

Anger can be justified but be very, very careful of your motives.

On a Clear Day You Can See General Motors

Patrick J. Wright is the author of On a Clear Day You Can See General Motors, an account of John De Lorean’s departure from General Motors. (The account is written without De Lorean’s cooperation.)

De Lorean left General Motors to start his own company, Delorean Motor Company (DMC).  If you’re a fan of “Back to the Future” you’ll remember the DMC used by “Doc” to go back in time.

There was one very telling section in that book that described the destructive nature of entitlement.

GM executives arrived at work each morning and their company valet service would pick up their car, take it to the shop, fix any squeaks, rattles, or other issues.  The car was then washed and cleaned inside and out and returned to the executive for their drive home.

Based on these executives’ experience, GM was making some of the finest cars in the world.  But the general public had a different experience.  To them, GM was producing some of the worst cars in the industry.  The executives didn’t understand.  Sometimes they even got angry at the public for thinking that way.  Their anger was based on entitlement!

Do you feel entitled?

That feeling or belief will get you nowhere.  In fact, it will be destructive to you and others.

It can be difficult to see our own entitlement.  You must develop good friends that are not afraid to tell you if you are acting that way.  You must develop a great team that can talk about anything, even your behavior, without fear of reprisal.  Entitlement will destroy you!  Do whatever you can to keep it from creeping into your life.

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