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Facing Adversity

Facing AdversityREPOST

REPOST: Facing Adversity Series

by Ron Potter
A Note From the Editor:
As we recently mentioned, we are reposting popular blog posts while Ron is recovering from some health issues. This series from last year might be a good one to revisit.

Facing Adversity

How do we face adversity? This is a difficult one for me to write.  Mainly because I’ve been in my own set of adversities.  Over the last several weeks I have been back in the hospital and had further operations as I deal with my inherited liver disease.  But, I’m not the only one.  I’ve seen several of my friends deal with

  • Cancer that requires infusions several times a month for the rest of his life.
  • Irritable bowel syndrome—that can put another friend in the hospital at any moment.
  • Parkinson’s disease.
  • Loss of a long-time spouse.

Adversity can touch any of us at any time. So how do we deal with it?

Continue reading the first post here.

Or consider how these categories map to the types of regret Daniel Pink discusses.

This post was originally posted here in early 2022.
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BlogFacing AdversityRegrets

Regrets—Text to Corinthians

by Ron Potter

We started off these two blog series with Paul’s text to the Corinthians.  He listed the following items:

We then looked at Daniel Pink’s book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Pink identifies the four core regrets:

  • Foundation
    They begin with an irresistible lure and with incredible logic.
  • Boldness
    Thwarted possibility of growth.   The failure to become the person—happier, braver, more evolved, than we could have been.
  • Moral
    Deceit, infidelity, theft, betrayal, sacrilege.
  • Connection
    Meaningful relationships.

Together, they make some interesting connections.  In Paul’s letter, we experience great difficulties and painful points in our lives.  But in the end, they don’t break us.  We are not crushed, driven to despair, forsaken, or destroyed.

In Pink’s book, the four regrets of foundational, boldness, morals, and connection are capable of breaking us and in all cases are self-inflicted.  In Paul’s writing, the pain and suffering are no more or less than those identified by Pink.  However, in Paul’s letter, there is a sense that these things happen in everyday life.  While we should examine our own behavior and beliefs to determine if we are contributing to the affliction, perplexion, persecution, and personal destruction put forth by Paul—in the end, it may have nothing to do with our own behavior.  Daniel Pink says that it essentially has everything to do with our personal behavior.

Regrets: Self-Inflicted

If you look at each of Pink’s regrets, there is a self-infliction:

    • Foundational:  It starts with an irresistible lure.  This may be food, sex (also mentioned in the moral section), or materialistic desires.  I’ve mentioned that my irresistible lures are new cars (I’ve had a new one every three years over the past 50 years).  And watches.  The self-inflicted part happens when we let our logic run ramrod over knowing that certain things are just wrong.  I have an incredibility logical mind.  I can convince myself that almost anything can be explained through logic.  And I’m good at it.  My self-infliction is in allowing my logical brain to convince myself that my logic overrules irresistible lures.  I’m just too “smart” to be dictated by my feelings.
    • In the boldness category, Pink makes the point that we’re just not bold enough to try new things.  I’ve had three major careers since graduating from engineering school.  The first was walking steel 160′ in the air.  The second was developing a software company at the beginning of the microcomputer age.  The third was TLC (Team Leadership Culture) consulting all over the world.  A lot of people would say to me, “I couldn’t do that, I was never qualified.  How were you able to accomplish three different careers and work all over the world?”  It’s because I was bold and willing to try new and different things.  I never felt qualified either.  It just seemed like the new and bold thing to do at the time.  Our lack of boldness is self-inflicted when we feel that we must be qualified first.  If you’re bold in trying new things, you’re never qualified.
    • Moral.  In this one, I focused on sacrilege.  It doesn’t have to be a religious issue.  Sacrilege means “violation or misuse of what is regarded as sacred.”  What do you consider as sacred?  Violating it will cause suffering.
    • Connection.  I have at least three groups of good friends.  Two of the groups are (or were) centered in Ann Arbor where we lived for 35 years.  One group is built around our GPS4Leaders App.  We’ve gone through good times and bad but have stuck together for several years.  The second ground of guys have given ourselves the name “Space Cadets.”  This is a group from several professions and we spend our time discussing clients and how to add the best of who we are to help them grow and become better.  I feel very close to this group.  We also moved to Grand Rapids, MI, a few years ago to be close to one daughter and our two grandchildren (our other daughter and grandkids live around the world and are currently in Tunisia).  We are now a part of a Grand Rapids church and have developed several friends there.  We’re very blessed with all of these connections.

Pain: Everyday and Self-Inflicted

Paul talks about the difficulties that we face in this world.  If we have examined ourselves and feel we’re seeing everything clearly, these are difficulties that we face just because we live here.

Pink, on the other hand, talks about regrets being self-inflicted.  We can avoid that by examing ourselves and our motives.  It often takes that close friend who we trust who is not afraid to point out our flaws and shortcomings.  But we must have someone that we’re that close to and who is willing to tell us what they are seeing in our behavior.  Avoid self-inflicted pain—the world is full of enough pains for us without the ones we cause ourselves.

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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Ancient Text

by Ron Potter

Over the last several blogs we have been looking at a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.

Notice that I said this was a “partial” reading of the test.  This text was written by Paul to the people of Corinth.

When I add the text that I left out during the blogs written over the last several weeks it says:

  • Afflicted in every way, but not crushed
  • Perplexed, but not driven to despair
  • Persecuted, but not forsaken
  • Struck down, but not destroyed

These added words bring assurance and hope.  While we will be afflicted, we will not be crushed.  While we’ll feel perplexed, we will not be driven to despair.  While we will be persecuted, we will not be forsaken.  And even though we will be struck down, we will not be destroyed.

Reason for Hope

These additional words provide hope.  It’s important to examine our source of hope.  In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he of course is speaking of our hope in Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the one who offers eternal life regardless of the afflictions, perplexities, persecution, and strikes in everyday life.  You may put your faith and hope in other things and they will likely lead to relief in some or all of the conditions.  But please consider where you place your hope and the full relief from being crushed, experiencing despair, being forsaken, or destroyed.

Where Is Your Hope?

The only answer I know of avoiding the destruction mentioned in this text is through putting our faith in something greater than ourselves.  Those sources of hope can vary over time and in the moment.  I know that as I reflect on my hope at any given moment, it can come from many different sources.  However, there is only one source greater than ourselves which keeps us from being crushed, experiencing debilitating despair, feeling forsaken, or being destroyed.  That source is Jesus Christ.  Please examine your source of hope and put your faith in the complete answer.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Struck Down

by Ron Potter

We’ve been looking at a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.  We now come to the last word in the sequence, Stuck Down.

Being Struck Down is Painful

While being persecuted seems very painful and personal, being stuck down seems to be the ultimate of pain and suffering.

Maybe you’ve been struck down in the past.  It might have been a baseball to the head that knocked you unconscious.  Maybe you didn’t see the low beam or branch.  These are very painful and physical.

I was never a fighter.  However, there was a time in high school when the school bully decided to pick me out of the crowd and make an example of me.  He was a couple of years older than me and much larger and stronger.  He slapped me hard on my left cheek.  It stung and brought water to my eyes and nearly knocked me out.  But when I recovered and just stood there, he didn’t like that.  So he struck me on the other cheek with similar results.  I guess at that point he decided he wasn’t going to be successful in either starting a fight or knocking me down so he simply walked away.

Years later a friend told me how impressed he was that I simply stood there and took it.  He thought it took real grit, self-control, and humility to accomplish.  I had felt almost ashamed for many years for not fighting back or defending myself and yet here was my friend telling me how impressed he was with the grit and strength that I showed during that moment.

Last Word of the Four

Being struck down seems to be the most destructive and painful of all of the four descriptions.  It can either be physical as in the example I gave or it can be emotional and maybe not even seen or noticed by others.  But it will feel as if you’ve been struck down physically when it happens.  Maybe it’s a simple word said by someone in a team meeting.  It may have been intentional or completely innocent but it feels as if you’ve been struck down.

Being struck down is painful and destructive.  It may even cause you to change who you are.  It can affect your character and your outlook on life.  And yet, it happens.

Dealing With Being Struck Down

There is no good way for dealing with the feeling of being struck down.  My only suggestion is to endure.  Remind yourself of who you are.  Fall back on your character and belief system.  You may have been struck down physically or emotionally.  Either way, endure.  Live through it.  Become stronger.  Grow.  The text says that it will happen.  We will be struck down.  In our lifetime, we will not avoid it.  At some point, we will be or feel like we’ve been struck down.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Persecuted

by Ron Potter

We’ve been looking at a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.

In this blog we’ll be looking at the third word on the list, persecuted.  One of the definitions from the dictionary is “Subject to hostility and ill-treatment.”  Another one says to “harass or annoy persistently.”  While being annoyed by someone can be humorous (for a period of time), the other words of hostility, ill-treatment, and harassment are powerful, personal, and damaging.

Dealing With Persecution

One of my favorite fictional characters is Jack Reacher from the novels written by Lee Child.  Reacher, retired from the Military Police, is simply walking across the United States to see it up close and in person.  However, his “simple” walk turns into some sort of personal persecution in almost every small town.  It’s interesting to me that even though he is unjustly persecuted in each novel, Reacher never seems to be too upset by the persecution. He simply starts some logical investigative work that he learned in the military to “get at” what is causing the persecution.

As our ancient text says, we will be persecuted for no apparent reason. Reacher lives with that kind of persecution everywhere he goes.  The text says nothing about justly or unjustly, it just says we will be persecuted.  Almost nothing makes us feel worse than being persecuted.

Tough to Deal With

Unlike the first two words of our text, persecution is personal.  It feels like we are being harmed.

I was working with one company for several years when my client saw me enter the office of someone he didn’t trust.  He immediately called me to his office and fired me.  He also began to persecute me.  He bad-mouthed me whenever he had the chance.  He identified me as a liar and troublemaker.  He said I could not be trusted and therefore should not work with anyone else at the company.  I was devastated.  I had always maintained a very high reputation at all the companies I had worked for and this seemed to be both personal and very damaging.

I talked with this person’s boss (whom I had also worked for and believed I had a good reputation with).  The boss gave me some advice.  He told me that when this person found out that none of the accusations were true (the boss still believed in me), he would never apologize (it wasn’t in his nature) but he would ask me to continue working for him as if nothing had happened.  The boss was right.  Within a couple of months, the person asked me to come to his office and began talking about what needed to be done next with his team.  He never apologized but simply went on about our work together as if nothing had happened.  In fact, I worked with him and his teams at two other companies when he took new jobs.

Persecuted

Persecution happened.  I almost quit consulting believing I had done something very wrong or bad, but just didn’t know what.  I was being heavily persecuted but it seemed to come from nowhere.  Our ancient text doesn’t say that we will deserve the persecution, it just says we will be persecuted.

Sometimes we’re persecuted for a reason.  Maybe we were the first to persecute the other person and now it’s payback time.  But that’s not what the text is referring to.  It doesn’t give a reason.  It simply says we will experience persecution.  To deal with the persecution there is reason to examine yourself to make sure you were not the instigator, but like my example above and the text says, “you will be persecuted.”  When that happens, the only advice I have is to be patient with yourself.  You may never know why you were feeling persecuted.  The text simply says “you will be persecuted.”  This takes a lot of humility and grit.  It’s not easy to remain calm during persecution—but be patient.  Eventually, things will clear up.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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Perplexed

by Ron Potter

We’ve been looking at a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.

In this blog, we’ll be looking at the second word on the list, perplexed.  Webster defines perplexed as completely baffled, very puzzled.

Some similar words include mystify, bewilder, dumbfounded, and worry.  Have you sat in on a meeting where people are speaking a different language from your own?  Maybe you know a word or two but for the most part, you’re mystified, bewildered, and maybe worried that you’re not understanding what is being said and maybe you should be.

He Was Perplexed

At one point in my career, I spent a couple weeks in the Middle East.  After a few weeks back home speaking English, the only Arabic word I remembered was shukran which means thank you.  I had a client meeting in California and the driver who picked me up from the airport spoke Arabic.  On the 45-minute journey to the meeting site, he was speaking on his phone in Arabic, so I understood virtually none of the conversation.  Upon arriving at our meeting place I politely said shukran for the pleasant ride.  The driver was dumbfounded!  He almost stammered when he asked if I knew the language.  I let him worry for a few seconds then said that shukran was the only word I knew.  The blood returned to his face.  Dumbfounded, bewildered, worried.  You name it, he was perplexed.

Almost every company I have worked with through the years has reduced their conversation to acronyms.  It always took me several meetings before I knew what they were talking about when they used FOMO for “Fear of Missing Out” or some other crazy acronym.  It never bothered me much because I was the outsider.  If I hadn’t figured it out in a meeting or two, I would ask.  However, for those who were part of the team, everyone assumed they knew what it stood for and asking was frowned upon.  They were perplexed.

We Will All Be Perplexed

Once again, the ancient text indicates that all of us will be perplexed at one time or another.  We don’t like being perplexed because it makes us feel uncomfortable or like an outsider.  One of our approaches is to assume we know it all.  We think that we’re not perplexed, and they don’t know what they’re talking about.  We tend to write them off as lost, faking it, saying things that seem profound but are really covering up their ignorance.

This is a dangerous approach.  We must be humble enough to ask, to display our ignorance if necessary.  We may get that original rolling of the eyes, but if we do sincerely ask what we’re missing, it may give us the opportunity to share something we know and actually help the situation.  The rolling of the eyes will quickly turn to respect and trigger good discussion.

Overcoming Being Perplexed

The best way to overcome or avoid being perplexed is to ask questions.  Be humble and sincere but ask the question about your perplexity.  Often, we’ll find out that each member of the team may be referring to something slightly different from the other team members.  They’re also perplexed but may not even recognize it.  Good questions lead to good discussion.  It’s interesting that the solution to being perplexed will often lead to the solution for affliction, which is united discussion about good solutions.

Have you ever noticed that the person who leads to the most innovative answer is the young person, the new person, or the person whose knowledge is in an entirely different area?  They don’t know that they don’t know and therefore ask some of the most profound questions that lead to innovative solutions.  They are perplexed, so they ask questions to cure their own perplexity but that can often lead to a more interesting discussion.  However, once that person has been around long enough to know “how things are done here,” their perplexity is either gone or kept silent.  Those profound questions no longer come.  This is a dangerous place to be.

Encourage perplexity!  As you work your way through being perplexed, great discussions can happen that lead to a much better understanding by everyone and may even come up with some great innovative solutions.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Afflicted in Every Way

by Ron Potter

This is from a text written over 2,000 years ago.  A partial reading of the text says that we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down.

No One Is Left Out

Notice that we text says “we.”  All of us.  No one is left out.  No one is not afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, struck down.

Think of these in terms of teams and leaders.  Webster defines it as grievously affected or troubled.  Have you ever felt grievously affected or troubled as a leader or team member?  You’re not alone.  And it may not be the only time.

The text simply says that we will be afflicted.  It doesn’t narrow the definition to a person, to a moment in time, or to particular circumstances.  It simply says we will be afflicted.  Webster’s definition talks about being grievously afflicted.  The term grievous talks of something bad, very severe, or serious.

Even if we restrict our definition to seriousness, it can be crushing.  For example, have you ever sat in a team meeting, as either a member or the leader, and dealt with an issue that seems inevitable with no way to overcome the circumstances?

No Avoidance

These can be difficult moments with no way to avoid the bad, severe, or serious outcome.  We may be faced with market conditions that we didn’t see coming or we are totally unprepared to deal with.  In those moments we can feel grievously afflicted.  We may take it as a result of our own doing or shortsightedness of what is happening in the marketplace.

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about the tendency of humans to see in straight lines.  Our assumption is that if things are going well they’ll continue to get better.  If things are going poorly there seems to be no way to recover.  However, things will change.  Yet it can make us feel grievously afflicted along the way.

If there is no real way to avoid this feeling, how do we cope with it?  First, remember that we will all be afflicted one way or another sooner or later.  The ancient text says we will be afflicted regardless of circumstances.  If that is the case, state it.  Sharing that feeling with others helps us all cope.  Once you identify the affliction, work together for a united solution.  It may not be the best solution and it may not bring about fully satisfying results, but it’s a united solution and one that we can work together to create.  Going to work on a solution helps us get past the affliction.

Affliction Solution

I worked with one company that had been an industry leader for over a hundred years.  Because that was the case and they were thinking in straight lines, they didn’t see the industry changes on the horizon.  By the time they realized it, the industry had shifted and, in the end, they ended up with about 40% of the success that had experienced for years.  Many people on the team felt personally afflicted.  But, once they started working together on a solution, they began to talk about how they had 40% of the industry.  Companies would give almost anything for that kind of market share.  Even though it was a huge blow to the history of the company, it was still larger than any company in the industry.  Not really too bad in today’s market.

You will be afflicted.  It may relate to business life or personal life, but it will happen.  The sooner you can name it and work toward a united solution the better.  The affliction will dissipate (until the next one hits).  We will be afflicted.  Expect it.  Prepare for it.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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BlogCultureFacing Adversity

Facing Adversity

by Ron Potter

How do we face adversity? This is a difficult one for me to write.  Mainly because I’ve been in my own set of adversities.  Over the last several weeks I have been back in the hospital and had further operations as I deal with my inherited liver disease.  But, I’m not the only one.  I’ve seen several of my friends deal with

  • Cancer that requires infusions several times a month for the rest of his life.
  • Irritable bowel syndrome—that can put another friend in the hospital at any moment.
  • Parkinson’s disease.
  • Loss of a long-time spouse.

Adversity can touch any of us at any time. So how do we deal with it?

Glass Half Full

As my friends and I were talking the other day it became obvious that each of us was more concerned about the others.  This seemed to be the true definition of friendship.  While each of us was dealing with our own issue we seemed to be more concerned about others’ issues.  Each of us was in a good mood—laughing, joking, and lifting each other up.  It was that humor and lifting each other up that helped each of us work through our individual issues.  A glass half full adds a lot to everyone’s life.

We’re Not the Only One

That conversation also reminded me that I wasn’t alone. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to focus on the conflicts from an ancient document.  This seems to indicate that each of us deals with these conflicts.  There is no escaping from the conflicts that we face in life.  They have been around forever.  If we think we shouldn’t deal with these conflicts, we’re just kidding ourselves.  Every human being has dealt with them throughout history.

Be Prepared

If we list them and name them and understand them at least we have a better chance of dealing with our own conflicts and helping others deal with their conflicts.  Let’s list them.  Let’s be prepared for them.  Let’s not assume that we shouldn’t face them.  We all will.  How we deal with them will make all the difference for ourselves and others.

Read the next post in the series.
Facing Adversity
Afflicted in Every Way
Perplexed
Persecuted
Struck Down
Ancient Text
Regrets—Text to Corinthians
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