Author

Ron Potter

LeadershipREPOST

REPOST: Opposite of Victim

by Ron Potter
A Note From the Editor:
As we recently mentioned, we are reposting popular blog posts while Ron is recovering from some health issues.

Some people I’ve worked with have what we might think of as that victim mentality. The Leadership Style instrument I use (LSI from Human Synergistics) measures two areas titled Dependent and Avoidance that collectively describe a style that starts with the assumption that they are the victim in most circumstances. Some of the descriptions include:

  • A tendency to be easily influenced, not taking independent action
  • A strong tendency to deny responsibility or accountability
  • A passive attitude
  • Feelings of helplessness and/or guilt over real or imagined mistakes
  • The presence of rapid change or traumatic setbacks
  • A lack of self-respect
  • Extreme fear of failure

Someone asked me the other day what was the opposite of the victim mentality. That ignited a lively dialogue which came to the conclusion that Creativity is the opposite of victim mentality. Isn’t that a great picture? If we eliminate policies, procedures, governance, or leadership styles that create or assume a victim mentality, we unleash creativity.

Although my work is focused on leadership within corporations, the first thing that came to mind was our lawmakers. Start evaluating all of the bills that are coming through Congress (or ones that have been part of the landscape for many years) and begin to evaluate them in terms of “Do they create victims or do they instill creativity?” Many of the laws of this nation seem to start with the assumption that you are (or should be) a victim. And then they tend to perpetuate that belief. Our only opportunity in this rapidly changing global economy is to be creative and innovative. Shouldn’t we stop passing laws that push us toward or assume we are or should be victims?

But, closer to home, can you evaluate your or others’ leadership style on this victim-creativity balance beam? It’s always easiest to see it in others but the first step in great leadership is self-awareness, self-assessment, and humility. Have a discussion with your team. Maybe start by evaluating the group of people that work for you. Do they behave as victims or creators? What about our leadership style is causing that? How do we change the way we lead to increase the creative nature of our company?

My wife and I recently had the opportunity to listen to Condoleezza Rice when she made a speaking engagement in our hometown. During the question and answer period, one of the first questions was “How did a young person of color from Birmingham, Alabama make it all the way to Secretary of State?” The first words out of her mouth without hesitation were “We were never allowed to be victims!”

This post was originally posted here on June 1, 2011.
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LeadershipREPOST

REPOST: Listening With the Intent to Understand

by Ron Potter
A Note From the Editor:
As we recently mentioned, we are reposting popular blog posts while Ron is recovering from some health issues.

The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. It’s okay. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. I know you can.

If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of checklist:

  • Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those.
  • That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that.
  • That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home.
  • I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. How could they be so naive?

Then the moment happens. The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. It makes no difference; it’s a pause.
So you jump in:

“Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”

And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats.

If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. Most of us do it. Most of us do it most of the time. It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it.

When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. You’re wondering:

  • I wonder why they believe that?
  • I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past?
  • I wonder who they trust on this and why?
  • I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome?

If you’re truly curious and wondering, then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different.
Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts.
You may actually ask if there is a conclusion on further thought.
You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background.

Whatever you’re response. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. This sparks a very different reaction on their part.
A few key things happen from their point-of-view:

  • Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view.
  • They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it.
  • And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view.

Steven Covey, in his The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about.

Listen with the intent to understand. Practice it. Use it often. You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view.
Try it. It will be refreshing.

And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of great leaders is humility. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand.

What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand?

This post was originally posted here on January 15, 2015.
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LeadershipREPOST

REPOST: Performance vs Trust

by Ron Potter
A Note From the Editor:
As we recently mentioned, we are reposting popular blog posts while Ron is recovering from some health issues.

Those are not my words.  Those were spoken by Simon Sinek.  If you have not discovered Mr. Sinek, look up his website.  I read him and Share Parrish more than any other blog writers out there.

Navy Seals

Simon talks about working with Navy Seals.  Navy Seals are probably the highest-performing teams on the planet.  In his work with Seals, he asked, “How do you choose the guys that make it to Seal Team 6?” Seal Team 6 is the best of the best.  The Seals drew the following graph:

Leader or Teammate

Nobody wanted someone from the lower left: Low Performer and Low Trust.

Everyone wanted someone from the upper right: High Performer and High Trust.

When Simon asked them which type of person they want as a leader or teammate, they all said they would prefer someone on the right side of the chart than the best performer who had low trust.

Keep in mind that these are the highest-performing teams in the world.  But they would select Trust over Performance when it came to a leader or a teammate.

Corporations Have it Backward

In my thirty-plus years dealing with corporations and corporate reviews, they have all been heavily weighted toward the left side of the chart.  They graded and promoted people based on their performance rather than the trust they exhibited or expected.  It’s interesting to note that the Navy Seals termed that upper-left leader or teammate as toxic!  Regardless of high performance, if the person wasn’t trustworthy, they were toxic.

Performance Reviews

Why do corporate reviews focus so much on high performance rather than high trust?  I’m sure there are many reasons but the two that I see as most prevalent are:

  1. Corporations often want high performance (get the job done now) over anything else.  Part of the reason is that public corporations have bowed to quarterly reporting.  If the return isn’t better that quarter, the leadership is often called on the carpet by Wall Street and the Investors.  They don’t want to be in that position.  Therefore, they promote people who produce high results, regardless of the internal costs.  Remember that the Navy Seals labeled them as toxic.
  2. It’s easier to measure performance than trust.  With performance, it’s easy to check the box.  Was the goal met or exceeded?  Was it done on or ahead of schedule?  Easy to measure and identify.
    Does the person generate trust within their team?  Hard to predict.  The results may not show up for a long time.  Corporate leaders want results this quarter, not three years from now.

Trust Builds Long-Term Performance

I’ve worked with a few leaders who ranked high on the trust scale.  There are more stories, but two that come to mind include one leader who I worked with about a decade ago.  Three members of his team are now CEOs of three different companies.  He built trust!

Another CEO I worked with started two companies and built leadership teams that now run or are high-ranking leaders in several corporations.

Both of these leaders (and there are a few more) built leadership teams based on trust.  That doesn’t mean they ignored performance, but trust ranked higher when it came to evaluations.

Visit Simon Sinek’s youtube talking about Performance vs Trust.  Then evaluate what kind of leader or teammate you happen to be.  Then think about the type of leader or team you want to be a part of.  If you don’t like the answer to either of those questions, make a change!  If you’re the kind of person that believes outperforming everyone is what will make a difference in your life, you’re in for a shock.  You’ll end up very lonely.

If you’re the kind of person who exudes and promotes trust, you’ll find yourself much loved!

Lonely or loved.  You make the choice.

This post was originally posted here on May 7, 2020.
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BlogPersonal

Fake Smarts

by Ron Potter

I’ve talked about my concerns with ChatGPT. A word that is heavily used in articles related to ChatGPT is Artificial Intelligence (AI).
Let’s start with the word artificial. Synonyms for the word include:
• Unreal
• Bogus
• Counterfeit
• Fabricated
• Faked
• False
Now let’s take a look at some of the synonyms for the word intelligence:
• Brainpower
• Reason
• Sense
• Smarts
So if we put a few of those words together we get Bogus Brainpower, Counterfeit Reason, Fabricated Sense, False Smarts, etc. There are endless combinations, none of them very flattering.

While we’ve seemed to hold AI in high regard, let’s keep in mind that it’s unreal, counterfeit, fake, and false. Artificial intelligence is not to be admired, it’s to be looked at cautiously.

Mallard Fillmore is one of my favorite cartoons. The cartoonist has a great way of making foolish things look foolish. Here’s a good one about AI:

I was talking with my daughter and son-in-law the other day and saying that I was concerned about kids today believing everything they see and read on their phones as if it were reality. They pointed out that their kids seem to be more discerning about what they see and read but made the point that it’s not just my grandkids’ generation but my kids’ generation as well.

I can think of a few AI machines in the movies that were both humorous and scary. The first one was HAL from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey.

HAL

HAL stood for Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer. HAL scared the bejeebies out of me. Why? Because he began to take over without human control.

This was HAL speaking to the captain of the spaceship where HAL was the onboard computer: “When the crew are dead or incapacitated, the computer must assume control. I must, therefore, override your authority now since you are not in any condition to intelligently exercise it.”

HAL had become the AI computer that no longer needed human control.

R2-D2

R2-D2 and C-3PO are from the Star Wars movie series. George Lucas, the creator and producer of Star Wars, calls R2-D2 his favorite character. R2-D2 was friends with C-3PO (standing next to him) and he never had his memory wiped by Darth Vader, the evil character of the film series. But he never used it for bad and he never shied away from listening to others. He was a good and funny character.

It is my impression that throughout history, everything invented by man has at some point been used for evil and good. HAL and R2-D2 seem to be opposite sides of the same coin.

AI

Artificial intelligence (AI) is just another one of those human inventions. It has and will be used for both good and evil. I don’t think we’ll avoid it but I do believe we can be very cautious and questioning. Don’t just take the things created by AI as reliable. Be discerning! Question everything it’s saying or writing! This all implies that you have the willpower and character to do so. Know who you are first then look at the world around you through those eyes.

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Am I a Luddite?

by Ron Potter

I’m really sure I’m not a Troglodyte.  For one, I can’t grow a beard.  For two, my forehead is too big.  But more importantly, our current definition of a Troglodyte is: a person who is regarded as being deliberately ignorant or old-fashioned.  I may be old-fashioned but I really try not to be ignorant.

I also don’t think I’m a Luddite.  Unfortunately, Luddites don’t know that they are Luddites.

I haven’t been afraid of too many things in my life.  I’ve shared in previous blogs how my first job out of engineering school had me walking structural steel up to 160′ in the air with no safety equipment.  I was terrified my first day and told the chief engineer that I couldn’t do it.  He said, “Give it two weeks and if you’re still struggling, I’ll find another job for you.”  Two weeks later I could do it.  I had overcome my fear (although I was still very cautious).

Computer Fear

A lot of people were very fearful of computers taking over our lives when they first appeared.  I remember seeing my first Osborne “portable” computer in about 1981.

It had two floppy drives and a 5” blue screen. I was watching it run Visicalc, a precursor to Microsoft Excel. I saw this first microcomputer at a Las Vegas exhibit. I flew home and went to my boss and told him I was leaving the construction industry and going into microcomputers. He said, “What’s a microcomputer?” I said, hang on, you’ll find out.

While microcomputers frightened a lot of people, I was not worried.  It still took a human to control them.

Technology Adapter

I was an early adaptor in a lot of technology.  I recently showed you my Curta Computer.  When I show people even today, many of them have never seen one.

I was an early adapter of Blackberry phones. The first one I owned came out about three months after Research in Motion introduced them.

I was really quite comfortable with technology and its advances until last week.

ChatGPT and the Printing Press

I meet with a small group of guys about every week and we discuss whatever is on our minds.  One of the guys asked if we were familiar with “ChatGPT.”  I, like most of the group, said no.  However, I said no because the technology scared me and I had simply avoided it.  For the first time, I was afraid of technology because it seems like it has crossed that barrier of requiring human control.

There is a Wall Street Journal article with the title “ChatPGT Hearlds an Intellectual Revolution.”  The opening paragraph of the article says, “A new technology bids to transform cognitive process as it has not been shaken since the invention of printing.”  The article talks about the technology revolution that was introduced when Gutenberg printed the Bible on his press in 1455.

When I was in Germany years ago, I went to see the Gutenberg press and some of the documents it printed.  Those documents were beautifully illustrated pages from the Bible.  To me, it seemed like a wonderful invention in history.  But I know that at the time it frightened many people.  There was no instrument that could reproduce the written word and the fact you could now do it seemed almost evil.  I hope I’m not reacting the same way to ChatPGT, so I’ve tried to educate myself about the technology.

GPT

GPT stands for Generative Pre-trained Transformer.  The WSJ makes several interesting observations.

  • ChatGPT statements and observations appear without an explanation of where they came from and without an identifiable author.
  • Answers are not simply copied from the text in the computer’s memory.  They are generated anew by a process that humans are unable to replicate.
  • Within a few days of ChatGPT’s launch, more than a million people signed up to ask questions.
  • The WSJ asked ChatGPT to give “six references on Henry Kissinger’s thoughts on technology.”  All were plausible: one was a real title and the rest were convincing fabrications!
  • As models turn from human-generated text to more inclusive inputs, machines are likely to alter the fabric of reality.
  • What happens if this technology cannot be completely controlled?  What if there will always be ways to generate falsehoods, false pictures, and fake videos, and people will never learn to disbelieve what they see and hear?

Timnit Gebru

One ray of hope for me is a woman by the name of Timnit Gebru.  Ms. Gebru is the founder and executive director of the Distributed Artificial Intelligence Research Institute (DAIR).  Much of her work involves the ways AI (Artificial Intelligence) programs can reinforce existing prejudices.  She says, “We talk about algorithms, but we don’t talk about who’s constructing the data set or who’s in the data set.”  Go Timnit, I’m pulling for you!

So, I’m afraid.  For the first time in my life, I’m worried about technology running our lives rather than us using technology to enhance our lives.  Is ChatGPT the start of it?  Timnit Gebru spends her days looking at and learning about what is going on with AI.  She expected AI to one day power much of our lives.  But she didn’t believe it would happen this quickly.

Luddites

Who were the Luddites?  Many people think they were small-brained and stupid.  They were not.  Many people get them confused with the Troglodyte.  I spoke above about the Troglodytes being deliberately ignorant or old-fashioned.  Luddites were the craftsmen of the day.

The Luddites protested against manufacturers who used machines in what they called “a fraudulent and deceitful manner” to get around standard labor practices. Luddites feared that the time spent learning the skills of their craft would go to waste, as machines would replace their role in the industry.  Ned Ludd was an apprentice who allegedly smashed two stocking frames in 1779 and whose name had become emblematic of machine destroyers.

I don’t believe I’m a Luddite.  Although I’ve learned and used technology from the time it was invented, I don’t want to destroy it.  I do however want it to remain under human control rather than humans being under the control of technology.  The good news is that God is the one who is really in control of Troglodytes, Luddites, humans, and machines.  He’s the one in control and that comforts me even when I’m worried about the machines taking over.

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BlogPersonal

Mind Like a Steel Trap

by Ron Potter

Steel

I visited my chiropractor the other day and he had a new young assistant who checked me in. As this young man was checking me in on the computer, I patted him on the shoulder as I passed him on my way to a chair. Wow! This kid’s shoulders felt like steel to me. I asked him if he was still in college and if he participated in sports. He was indeed enrolled in a nearby college and he said he was on the track team. I said, “Wow, you’re a runner?” He said no he didn’t run but he threw things: the shot and the hammer. It came clear. Those shoulders that felt like steel came from the fact that he threw very heavy things. In this case, feeling like steel was a good thing.

I’m not very attracted by the images, but when you see bodybuilders, they often look like they’re cut from a block of steel or granite. The image of Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was in his body-building days comes to mind. However, I’ve heard Arnold and other bodybuilders say that even though they work hard at building their bodies, they lose a lot of flexibility in the process. I think steel can be good, but the loss of flexibility is not.

You may have heard the old statement having a mind like a steel trap—or maybe it’s just a saying that us old engineers are familiar with. The idea is self-explanatory of course. You grasp an idea and your mind closes on it like a steel trap and won’t let go.

That’s a good thing if you’re setting up a trap to catch wild animals. It may not be the best approach when it comes to ideas.

Flexible Thinking

An article that Shane Parish wrote in his Farnam Steet blog caught my eye. His opening statement is “The less rigid we are in our thinking, the more open minded, creative and innovative we become.”

Shane has several quotes from a book written by Leonard Mlodinow. Shane’s opening paragraph says this about Mlodinow’s book: “Elastic: Flexible Thinking in a Constantly Changing World confirms that the speed of technological and cultural development is requiring us to embrace types of thinking besides the rational, logical style of analysis that tends to be emphasized on our society.”

I received a wonderful email from my grandson who is currently living halfway around the world with his parents. He said, “I look up to your logical thinking.” I certainly took that as a compliment from him but wasn’t sure it was the best thing to be known for in an ever-changing world. Shane, in his comments, says, “We need to accept that analytic thinking—generally described as the application of systematic, logical analysis—has limitations.” He goes on to say, “Although incredibly useful in a variety of daily situations, analytical thinking may not be best for solving problems whose answers require new ways of doing things.”

Experts Sometimes Know Too Much

In my years as a consultant to CEOs and their teams around the world, I would often observe a dynamic that fascinated me. Many people on the leadership team were outstanding on a particular topic. On that particular topic, they had a mind like a steel trap. However, there were many times when the team was stuck on a particular issue and couldn’t seem to come up with an answer outside of their expertise. But, on those occasions when there was a young (less expert) member of the team, they seemed to ask a question about their current dilemma that the “experts” had not thought of. In fact, they might often start their question with some qualifier like, “I don’t really know what I’m talking about here but I’ve just been thinking that it might be a good idea to explore ‘such and such.'”

I would often watch the team of “experts” go completely silent until one of them would acknowledge that they hadn’t really thought about it that way before. They were soon talking non-stop about how that opened them to a whole new way to think about their dilemma. Flexibility, not rigid “steel” thinking, had them coming up with new approaches.

“Flexible thinking” is required to work our way through our ever-changing world. Without it, we are just stuck and will quickly be left behind.

For next week’s blog I’m writing on a topic that really scares me. It scares me for personal reasons. It scares me to think about what my grandchildren will be facing in the world as they mature. It scares me for the human race in general. I’ve not yet figured out how to deal with the topic and not be afraid, but I and others must do it.

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BlogLeadership

Leading Change

by Ron Potter

The basis for this blog is a Harvard Business Review article by Patti Sanchez titled “The Secret to Leading Organizational Change is Empathy.”

I’ve had several experiences in my consulting career and personal life that emphasize the importance of empathy. One of them was a personal experience.

The Association

We moved into a new city several years ago to be closer to one daughter and her family. This particular family lived in the Middle East for at least ten years and we wanted to spend more time getting to know our grandkids before they went off to college. After looking at several possible locations we settled on a small community of condos within a couple of miles of our daughter’s house.

After a few years, I was asked to be the association president. The president before me had been in that position for several years and it seemed to him he was constantly dealing with conflict. When I agreed to run and won the presidential position, his words to me were something like, “Good Luck. This is a rough crowd.” He felt like there were competing desires within the homeowners and there was no way to reconcile them.

There were only sixteen homeowners in the association, so the first thing I decided to do was get to meet and listen to the needs of each of them. I had no agenda and no particular goal. I just wanted to listen and show empathy.

I visited each of the sixteen families and just listened. No goal. No timeframe. No rush. Each family invited me in and talked with me about their situation and desires. I made no attempt to correct or guide them, I just wanted to hear them. I left each visit with no promises made. I had just listened.

There were a couple of difficult issues that the association faced. After those visits, I formulated my plans (with the executive team) and let the residents know what I was going to recommend for a vote at our annual meeting a few weeks later. They had been controversial issues for a few years and I wondered how the discussion and vote would go. There wasn’t much discussion, so we put the issues to vote. All the issues were passed by unanimous votes. People felt they had been listened to. In fact even now, several years later, one of the residents who had been the most controversial and vocal calls me “the best president they ever had.” Why? Because I listened to her with empathy.

Who’s the Boss?

Another issue I remember is related to my consulting career. The CEO resided in the US but they had major operations in Europe and SE Asia. The European leader for the company was Irish and resided in Ireland. He was an authoritarian leader. People did what he told them to do or else. After our team meeting about leading with empathy, I was hoping he would change. Unfortunately, not.

When I began to talk with him about being a leader, I asked him to describe what a leader was like. He proceeded to tell me about the British ruling Ireland. The Anglo-Norman invasion of Ireland by English kings happened in the last 1100s. His view of being a strong leader went back nearly a thousand years. But to him, a great, strong leader was based on England ruling Ireland. He wasn’t about to shake that image that a ruler was someone who came in and subjugated people to do what they were told when they were told.

Experience

Question your own thoughts and motives. What has your experience taught you? Who empowers you as an employee, that controlling boss who keeps you under his thumb or the empathetic boss who makes you feel like you’re a part of what’s going on?

Most often people think of an empathic leader as weak and a controlling leader as strong. That’s not true. A great empathic leader is one who helps you grow, develop, listen, and help your team make decisions. A controlling leader is one who makes all the decisions and expects you to respond. My observation over the years is that good people will leave a boss like that as quickly as possible. The people who stay under those conditions are sometimes referred to as “yes men” and all the creativity leaves the organization. Believe me, now and in the coming years creativity will become more and more required. Without it, companies will die quickly.

Fortune 500

Only sixty companies remain that were in the Fortune 500 after WWII. Why is that? One of my beliefs is that after WWII, most of the companies on the list were being run by officers from the war. They knew how to “command.” They expected their commands to be carried out without question. Companies were generally not creative. In order to survive the coming years, companies (leaders) will be required to be creative.

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BlogCulture

Consensus Building

by Ron Potter

I meet on a regular basis with a group of highly intelligent and successful guys.  We have a name for ouselves which is SPACE CADETS.  The story is too long about how we became known by that name but we’ve enjoyed it.

Our topics range across the things we’ve been thinking about: a difficult situation we find ourselves in or sometimes simply curiosity.  But it often deals with how we reach consensus with our team or client.  One of the definitions of consensus from Merriam-Webster is “group solidarity in sentiment and belief.”  You can look up the word solidarity but it often leads back to something solid.  You build something together that is solid and that you’ll all defend.

There are two words in the English language that are often associated with building consensus.

One of those words is discussion.  The other word is dialogue.  Most people think of a good discussion as a way to reach consensus.  Most of us don’t think of the word dialogue.  If fact we often mix the two words up and misunderstand their meaning.

Discussion

There are some interesting ideas that discussion is based on.  They include:

  • Narrow focus
  • Debate of what is “right”
  • Defending certainty
  • Seeking closure

Notice that there is an assumed “right” and “certainty” in the word discussion.  Add to that the narrow focus and seeking closure (instead of understanding) and you begin to see that discussion may not be the best approach to building consensus.  One of the best definitions that I found said that the word discussion is based on the same root word as percussion.  What do you think of when you think about percussion?  Drums!

I played percussion in our high school band.  When we were in an orchestra situation I remember our band director asking me to bring down the volume on the percussion.  But when we were outdoors in marching band, it seemed like he was always asking me to raise the volume.  He wanted more percussion.  Discussion in an open area with lots of listeners may be useful.  But in a small team setting, percussion is not useful.  It seems to have all the negative aspects of the bullet list above.

Dialogue

Dialogue is very different from discussion.  Dialogue is an exchange of ideas and opinions.  Dialogue has some very interesting aspects that you would probably love to have in most instances.  It:

  • Surfaces all assumptions
  • Names and faces defense routines
  • Slows down conversation to create learning and shared meaning
  • Suspends certainty

Suspending Assumptions

The last point in dialogue is suspending certainty.  All of us have certain ideas that we feel certain about.  This is natural and it’s certainly OK as long as we know they come from our own views and observations.  I think we would have a tough time with life if we didn’t have things we were certain about.  But it’s important that they are really our assumptions and another person (especially one with different experiences and coming up in a different culture) may see them entirely differently.

I was very fortunate that my consulting career had me working around the world and being exposed to different cultures.  I remember one team that was made up of people from Spain, Italy, Germany, Sweden, and the UK.  It was fascinating to see them start talking about a topic from their own culture and history.  Fortunately, this was a team that respected each other and was willing to understand how the different cultures viewed certain topics.

One funny experience I remember was working with a US CEO.  He had gotten tired of people being late for meetings so he instituted the rule that if you were late, you had to stand on your chair or table and sing your college fight song or country national anthem.  From his point of view that would have been very humiliating.  Then one day we were waiting for a meeting to start and I asked him if he saw the people standing outside the conference room door.  It seems that all the Irish were waiting outside the door so they could be late and have to stand on the table and sing their national anthem.  They loved it.

Suspending Assumptions II

A couple of things to think about when you’re suspending assumptions are:

  1. Let go of your own assumptions in order to understand the assumptions of others.
  2. When it comes to your turn, help everyone understand your assumptions and what formed them.
  3. Move from discussion to dialogue to help everyone understand all of the assumptions so that together you can come up with the best team solution.

It’s important to remember that you won’t win every argument and your assumptions won’t carry the day in every instance.  Most often one assumption persuades most of the team but is enhanced by portions of some of the other assumptions.

One way to judge your ability to do this well is how you respond to people after the decision is made.  When someone (who may have been fully aware of your position before the meeting) asks you what the decision of the team was, your answer should be something like, “The team thought this was the best solution.”  When the person says they know that was not your opinion prior to the meeting, say again, “The team thought it is the best solution.”

Keep in mind that we all have different assumptions.  I grew up with three siblings in the same house.  We have certain similarities but, as a whole, we are each very different people.  You’re no better or worse than the other person, you just have different assumptions.

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People Will Remember You

by Ron Potter

There was a chart on LinkedIn the other day that caught my interest.  I’m sorry I couldn’t find the original author.

Categories

By the time you’re my age, you’ve put most people in one or more of the following categories, just because you’ve seen about every type:

  • When you think of a person, will you think about the salary they earned?
  • How about those who believed being busy all their life was a measure of success?
  • What about those who were the first in the office in the morning and the last to leave at night?
  • Maybe being successful meant the number of Gucci bags (or other luxury items) they owned.

Traits

And then think about yourself.  It’s almost always easier to see these traits in others than in yourself.  But be honest.  (You’re by yourself and just quietly thinking.  No one else will know what you’re thinking.)

  • Have you made one of the highest salaries in your profession?  Is that what you’ll be remembered for?
  • Have you never stopped to relax?  Will being busy with your projects be what people remember the most?
  • Were you the first in the office in the morning and the last to leave at night?  Is that what people will remember?  Will they even remember it as a positive trait?
  • How about the possessions you own?  Just think of the ads on TV.  Is it that car, that suit, that Gucci bag, or the top-of-the-line golf clubs?

Are these the things that people will remember you for?  Not likely!

Now think about others and yourself in very different terms.  People will remember…

1. How You Made Them Feel

Have you stopped to tell that other person how well they’re doing?  How about your own child or grandchild?  How would you react to that statement?  It’s powerful.  That’s the person they’ll remember.  The one who made them feel good.   The one who gave them the courage to try something.  The one who gave them the confidence to take on difficult tasks, to take on the “world.”

2. The Time You Spent With Them

One of my earliest experiences with a grandchild is sitting on the floor with them as they played with Lego and made up stories to fit what they were making.  It struck me that I was comfortable just sitting there on the floor with them.  But then I began to think about my own children.  While I may have spent some time with them on the floor, it never lasted very long.  I had work to do.  I had the chores around the house that needed doing.  It struck me that while I was enjoying all the time I needed with the grandchild, I never could have spent that amount of time with my own children.   The grandchildren loved that time together.

Both of my girls have lived around the world as their kids were growing up.  I believe it gave my grandchildren a better understanding of people and cultures.  But that often meant that I would see my grandkids once or twice a year and how much I missed that time with them.  If you have the opportunity, make sure you spend as much time as you can with your own children and grandchildren.

3. If You Kept Your Word

It’s easy to think about this one in the short term.  But the statement is, you’ll be remembered for keeping your word.  No time frame attached.

I’m embarrassed by my behavior recently relating to a particular issue.  A friend of mine has kept one part of my digital world going for many years.  A couple of years ago it was becoming time in his life to let that go and turn the responsibility back to me.  I said I would take it over.  But I haven’t!  About once a month I would get a notice from the internet provider that would remind me that I had committed to taking the responsibility back.  However, it seemed like the notice from the provider came at the beginning of the weekend or right in the middle of something else going on in my life.  I would always find myself thinking, “I’ll get to that on Monday.”  But Monday would come and go and I wouldn’t think about it again until the next notification (always on a weekend or during some other issue).  Once again, I would forget about it, all the time leaving my friend with the responsibility.  I gave my word but I had not kept my word.  That was horrible behavior and not fair to my friend at all.  I’m sure it diminished my value in my friend’s opinion.  It sure decreased my own valuation of myself.

4. If They Could Count On You

I really just hit this issue in the topic before.  Giving your word is one thing (and must be counted on) but making sure you follow through on that word is just as important.  Think about the people in your own life that you know you can count on.  Where do you put that person on the list of valued people?  Now, think about yourself.  Can people count on you?  If so, you’ll be high on their list.  If not, you’ll drop down that list pretty quickly.  Probably to a spot lower than you would care to be.

In last week’s blog, I ended with, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.”  The biblical versions (Matthew 5:37) go on to say that anything beyond this is of evil origin.  If you don’t keep your word and people can’t count on you,  it’s not just a bad thing, it moves into the area of evil origin.

What Will You Be Remembered For?

Think of the issues on the list that people will remember.  If you know a person high on all of the categories you’ll probably think of them as being some of the most outstanding people you know.  Don’t you want to be one of those people?

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Yes, yes, yes, yes!

by Ron Potter

I almost always say “Yes” to anything that is asked.  I’ve been guilty my whole life, especially when it comes to church.  I figured that I was doing the Lord’s work so I should say “Yes” to anything and everything that was asked of me.

The problem was that I was beginning to resent the amount of work I was doing while others didn’t seem to be pulling their share.  Then a wise Christian friend gave me some advice.  He helped me understand that I was putting too much sweat into the projects and I was losing my joy doing them.  He noted that while my effort was appreciated, I may not have been the best person doing the job.  He also noted that by saying “Yes” to everything, I was likely preventing other people from participating.  Good advice!

From that day forward I limited myself to two major projects at a time at church (and elsewhere).  If I was asked to do more than that, my response was that I was happy to do it—which current project should I stop in order to take on the new project?  Often the answer was to not stop what I was doing; they’ll find someone else to perform the task.  Or if it made sense to take on the new job, the question became, “Who should take on the task I was doing in order for me to spend the time and energy on the new project?”  Either answer was good.  These questions often led to me doing the job that best suited me and also helped prepare other people to become more involved.  Win, win.

Value Your Time and Energy

I read an article in Entrepreneur magazine by Jess Ekstrom titled “The 6 Questions I Ask Before I Say ‘Yes’ to Anything.” Here are the six questions:

1. What purpose does this serve?

If the answer is “to serve,” that’s the wrong answer.  There should be purpose for what I do.  Why am I doing it?  Am I doing it because I believe the Lord is asking me?  Am I doing it because I like to see myself as the “go-to” guy?  After that talk with the wise friend, I began to think about the things I do and I began to think about why I’m doing things.  When you’re young, your personal resources seem unlimited.  They are not.  Over a lifetime, you only have the personal resources to do a limited number of things.  Make sure they count and there is a purpose for doing them.

2. Why am I afraid to say no?

I never wanted to offend people.  If they asked me to do something and I said “No,” it felt like I was offending them.  Then I began to analyze what happened if people said “Yes” but in the end didn’t do for me what they had said “Yes” to.  I was very offended.  Let your yes be yes and no be no…

3. What else could I be doing with this time?

What is your time worth?  I spent about 30 years of my career working with leaders and small teams.  Setting a price for my time was very difficult for me.  Every time I set a fee for my work, I had this sinking feeling that I had set it too high.  Would anyone be willing to pay that amount?  It seemed like every time I went through that process, there was no hesitation on the client’s part.

4. Can I delegate this?

This is a tough one for individual contributors like me.  After I retired, many people asked me if I had sold my business.  I told them there was nothing to sell.  My clients bought me, not some company.  Most of this work couldn’t be delegated.

5. What is stealing my energy?

This is an interesting one for me.  I traveled all over the world and always seemed to have plenty of energy.  But was there anything that seemed to be stealing my energy?  As I think about it there were two sources:

  1. The title of this blog.  Saying “Yes” to too many things sapped my energy.
  2. The second one I had to learn.  When I tried to do everything the business required.  Once I realized that I could have someone else do a lot of the work that took time, I had some of my energy back.  (Thank you, Chris.)

6. How do I refuel?

Refueling happens very simply for me.  We own a cabin in the North Woods of Michigan.  Once I’m there for a few days in the woods and near the water, I feel completely renewed and refueled.  You’ve probably heard me talking about how important nature is.  Even children who grew up in the “projects” on the south side of Chicago were happier and better adjusted if they simply had one tree outside their window.  How do you refuel?  This is an important question that helps us get through life better if we’ve taken enough time to understand that the thing is for us and if we use it regularly.

Do you pay attention to these six items in your life?  To me the most important and overarching one is, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.”  The biblical versions (Matthew 5:37) go on to say that anything beyond this is of evil origin.  Restrict your life to yes, no, and who else should be doing this other than me?  Beyond that, it’s of evil origin.

 

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Transister Radio

by Ron Potter

When I was growing up there were no computers masquerading as radios. But I do remember my first transistor radio.
It had both AM and FM and would fit in my hand. This allowed me to lay in the front yard on warm summer evenings listening to the Detroit Tigers baseball game. But baseball games had a lot of downtime which allowed me to think, observe the Milky Way, and listen to the sounds of summer nights.

Polymath

I thought a lot about being a polymath.

Not really; I didn’t even know the word polymath. A polymath is an individual whose knowledge spans a substantial number of subjects and is known to draw on complex bodies of knowledge to solve specific problems. Those long evenings in the front yard allowed me to think about many ideas and subjects.

Curious

I was always curious. I was always asking a question related to seemingly unrelated topics. While this drove my mother crazy, my father seemed to get it and would always question me about the source of the question. My dad had a degree from the high school in our small community. But now that I know the term, I considered him a polymath.

Famous Polymaths

One article written by Zat Rana is titled “The Expert Generalist: Why the Future Belongs to Polymaths.”

While I don’t consider myself comparable to them:

  • Aristotle invented half a dozen fields across philosophy
  • Galileo was as much a physicist as an engineer
  • da Vinci might have been more famous as an inventor than an artist if his notebooks were published

 

The polymath is interested in learning.

Specialist

Don’t get me wrong, the world needs specialists. In fact, there are a lot more specialists than there are polymaths. The difference is that a specialist picks a topic and then goes deep. The world couldn’t live without them. The polymath, however, specializes in a domain or two of specialty.

Learning Is a Discipline

As I said above, the polymath is interesting in learning. Learning itself is a skill and when you exercise that skill across domains, you get specialized as a learner. When I was growing up it was common for people to have a single career and then retire. In the future (while it has arrived) people will likely have multiple careers that differ significantly. In such a world, learning becomes even more valuable.

Engineering and Microcomputers

I received an engineering degree from the University of Michigan. It was assumed I would spend my career working in the engineering industry. But then, I saw my first microcomputer. It had dual floppy drives and a 5″ green screen. I knew my career was going to change right there. When I arrived back at headquarters, I informed my boss that I was leaving the engineering business and going into microcomputers. His words were “What’s a microcomputer?” I said, just wait, you’ll find out.

After many years in the microcomputer business, I realized that I was being asked by key executives to help them think about their business more broadly. I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were asking me to be a polymath. I still didn’t know what the word meant but I did realize I was being asked about a broad range of businesses from construction to pharmaceuticals to food and other industries. They were asking me to learn about their business from a broad “polymath” viewpoint.

From that point, I worked on three continents, in multiple countries and cultures. I was being paid to think as a polymath. Once again, I’ll make the point that specialists are required. They invent things and get things at peak efficiency. But without polymaths, no ideas are sweeping across disciplines. They are also required and often seem to be thinking before the specialists understand their topic. Polymaths can often seem ahead of their time.

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Loss

by Ron Potter

I’ve lost both of my parents and all my aunts and uncles.  Although my father died of wounds from WWII earlier than he should have, he likely would have died by this age anyway.  He would have been 103 this year had he lived.  Thankfully, I still have all my siblings but the loss of family seemed natural to me.

Loss of High School Friend

The loss of friends, however, seems different and for me hurts just a little bit more.  I had a high school friend who I had been companions with since we had been a few months old.  Our parents were friends so we were together right from the start.  Throughout our high school years, we were almost inseparable.  We had fun together and got into trouble together.  Even the one cop in the small town we grew up in knew us and our parents.  For high school kids, that can be good and bad.

I have one memory of some new walkie-talkies that my father bought.  I took them to town and grabbed my friend as we went out “looking for trouble.”  The only thing was our one cop in town seemed to show up wherever we were and put an end to any pranks we had in mind before we could get in trouble.  We couldn’t figure out how he always knew where we were and what we were up to until we discovered that his police scanner could hear our walkie-talkies.

I couldn’t imagine being away from him until our lives diverged after high school.  I headed for college.  He went to Viet Nam.  After he returned we just didn’t seem to have much in common anymore.  That was sad to me but I figured it was part of growing up.

Cancer

But then years later he came down with cancer and came to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where I was living at the time, and he was getting treatment at the U of M Medical Center.  I’m so thankful that he and his wife (who also graduated from the same high school) reached out to me and let me know what he was going through and arranged times together when he was in town for treatments.  Our old friendship began to rekindle, and we had some wonderful times together.

A few months later my friend’s son called me and said his dad was bedridden and couldn’t speak and I should come and see him if I could.  I immediately drove the 3 hours it took to get to his home to find him in bed with no hair and extremely emaciated.  I wouldn’t have recognized him if I didn’t know who it was.  His wife and two children told me he had been bedridden and comatose for a couple of days.  I stroked his forehead, talked of some of our fun times together, and told him how much I missed him.  He squeezed my hand!

After talking with his wife and two children I headed back home.  By the time I got there, his son had called to say his father had passed soon after I left.  I saw him during the last few hours of his life and I may have been the only one whose hand he squeezed.  I just had to cry.  We had been together for 18 years, apart for a few, then back together again for about a year before he died.  Losing a good friend like that was very different than losing family to normal aging processes.

Post-College Friend

Another friend who graduated from Michigan, as I had, came to work for me a few years after I finished school.  We became very good friends.  In fact, after that first construction project together when we headed in different directions, we always kept in touch.  As it turned out, our kids were not too different in age and they have known each other since childhood.  In this blog, I couldn’t even begin to tell you all the fun we’ve had together through the years including river rafting, “up North” (Michigan) trips, and others.

I always had to laugh because he was one of the very first users of spreadsheet programs and recorded many aspects of his life and plans on them.  If he was telling me about an upcoming trip I would finally say, “Show me the spreadsheet.”  He would smile and then bring out the spreadsheet.  He even began to incorporate color as technology advanced.

Cancer (Again)

He retired a few years ago but soon after was diagnosed with cancer.  After we found out, he began to tell me all the things he wanted to do and accomplish while he still had his health.  I said, “Show me the spreadsheet.”   He smiled, then showed me the multiple-page, color spreadsheet.  It was all there, everything he wanted to accomplish. He had some ups and downs but we were able to enjoy each other’s company on a regular basis.

He died recently.  I was able to see him a few weeks ago on one of his good days but I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the loss.  The next day I was in my doctor’s office for a regular check-up and I couldn’t stop crying.  It took the doctor several minutes to diagnose grief over something physically wrong with me.

Grief

One definition is, “Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion.”  It certainly has been strong in my life with the loss of my friend, but I don’t think it has gotten too overwhelming where my own physical or mental health is concerned.  That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be careful and aware to make sure it doesn’t.

What is the Purpose of Loss?

I don’t know the answer to that.  I’m sure there are some intellectual answers about making you stronger or preparing you for other or deeper losses.  I just don’t feel it at the moment.  This is terribly sad to me.

God set the example when His only son, Jesus, was crucified.  God’s loss and Jesus’s sacrifice provided salvation for me.

I know that loss is supposed to make us stronger and it probably will in the long run.  But right now it’s just painful.

I raised the question with a group of friends the other day.  One of them who is a reader of my blog said he thought I was experiencing it because I would write about it in my blog and it would help many others.

All of those ideas are probably part of the answer but right now I just feel sadness.

Maybe that’s part of the answer.  Much of the world tells us we should be happy all of the time.  That’s not true!  We will and do experience sadness in life.  It’s unnatural to think we won’t or shouldn’t.

Handle your losses with dignity.

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