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Emotional Intelligence

BlogCulture

Mental Models – Part I

by Ron Potter August 13, 2020

Mental Models shape our thinking.  So much so that we can look at the same data or situation as someone else and reach very different conclusions because we each rely on different models.

Mental Models Impact on Emotional Quotient

In the Emotional Quotient blog from last week, one of the pillars is Self-Awareness.  If you’re not self-aware enough to know that you use a particular Mental Model then you end up arguing a point just because the other person is wrong, or stupid, or lacks the ability to see things reasonably.

Mental models are numerous.  I could easily list eighty or more just from the reading I have done. They include

  • General Thinking Concepts
  • Numeracy
  • Systems
  • Physical World
  • Biological World
  • Human Nature and Judgement
  • Microeconomics and Strategy, and
  • Military and War.

Each model will have an average of ten subsets so it can be a little overwhelming.  However, without learning a general outline of the various models, we assume that the model we use is the “correct” one.  Sometimes people assume that the model they use is the “only” one.

Because of the people, environment, and education that we grow up with, the model we use seems very natural to us and we’re often not even aware that our mind filters everything through that model.  Become aware that there are other models!  Understand how they shape thinking and judging.  You will become a more understanding person who develops empathy.  Another one of the Emotional Quotient categories.

General Thinking Concepts

For this blog, we’re going to focus on General Thinking Concepts.  The subset of principles for this mental model include:

  • The Map is Not the Territory
  • Circle of Competence
  • First Principles Thinking
  • Thought Experiment
  • Second-Order Thinking
  • Probabilistic Thinking
    • Inversion
    • Occam’s Razor
    • Hanlon’s Razor

The Map is Not the Territory

Maps are representations.  They are imperfect.  The first ocean explorers had maps that showed the next continent to the east of Europe was India.  Their maps were imperfect!  Perfect maps are so large and bulky, they no longer become useful to carry around, either mentally or physically.  They do point us in the right direction and give us an idea of where we’re headed but they do not help us when reality differs from the map or we need more detail.

Sometimes a map is simply a snapshot of a point in time.  It may no longer represent the current reality.  This is important because much of our mental models were formed in our childhood.  That world may no longer exist.  I remember as a child coming home only to find a group of my parent’s friends had “stopped by” and were now making sandwiches and getting something to drink from the refrigerator.  That world no longer exists.

Circle of Competence

Think of three circles.  The smallest inside the middle one.  The middle one inside the largest circle.  The Circle of Competence is easy to think of in this way.

  • Smallest Circle: What you know.
  • Middle Circle: What you think you know (but actually don’t know)
  • Largest Circle:  What you don’t know and you know you don’t know it.

The problem is that our mind tends to blur the boundary between the smallest circle (what you do know) and the middle circle (what you think you know but you don’t).

Believing there is only one mental model to understand the world is what blurs this boundary.  When your mind uses (or believes there is) only one mental model than when someone disagrees, it’s because they’re ignorant or stupid that causes that disagreement.  The thought may never occur to you that they’re simply working from a different mental model.

First Principle Thinking

The real issue here is separating facts from assumptions.  We often reach assumptions of the facts based on our mental models then treat the assumptions as facts.  First Principles is one of the best ways to unravel complicated problems.  By separating facts from assumptions, new assumptions can be reached based on the facts and can lead to great creativity.

Thought Experiment

Thought experiments are used heavily in philosophy and theoretical physics.  Einstein put forth many of his principles of the universe based on Thought Experiments.  He wasn’t actually there to observe his theory at work, it was a theory entirely within his head.  This opens up new approaches to inquiry and exploration.  What may seem impossible based on our mental model becomes a possibility in thought experimentation.

Second-Order Thinking

I might name this one unintended consequence.  In first-order thinking, it’s easy to see the consequences of our actions.  If I throw this rock at that window, I will see and hear it shatter.

Second-order thinking pushes us to think long-term in order to think through the consequences of our actions.  I believe this is why many of our government actions have so many unintended consequences.  The people putting these regulations in place are usually not thinking beyond the next election cycle.

Having public corporations report quarterly results instills much of the same behavior.

Make decisions based on the long-term.  It often takes a person with a different mental model to see potential consequences.

Probabilistic Thinking

In probabilistic thinking, the goal is to determine the likelihood of a specific outcome.  The accuracy of our decisions is improved if we can more accurately predict potential outcomes.

To Be Continued…

This blog has already become longer than most of the blogs I write.  And I believe our best learning will happen with the ways to improve Probabilistic Thinking.  I’ll leave you with this thought and then continue the Probabilistic Thinking solutions next week.

Thought for the Day

Realize that there are numerous mental models in the world and you have not cornered the market on right thinking by using a model and sticking with it.  You have simply proved that you’re a narrow-minded thinker.

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BlogLeadership

Success

by Ron Potter August 6, 2020

From the time we were little, we became aware of IQ.  I first remember becoming aware of it in about the sixth grade.  That means I was ten or eleven.

And right from the start, it became a competition.  If I had a higher IQ than you did, I was headed for greater success in my life.

IQ and Success

However, no correlation has ever been found between IQ and success.  Some with high IQ’s experience no success.  Others with moderate or even below average IQ’s experience high levels of success.  No correlation has ever been found!

So why do we place so much emphasis on IQ?

  • Because there’s a test!
  • It’s easy to measure.
  • It’s easy to demonstrate.
  • It’s easy for others to spot.

All of these can point toward high IQ.  None of them will guarantee success.

EQ

On the other hand, EQ (Emotional Quotient) has been demonstrated as being completely correlated with success.

So if there is so much correlation with EQ and none with IQ, why don’t we hear more about EQ?

  • It’s the “soft” skill.
  • It’s difficult or even impossible to measure.
  • It’s easy to demonstrate.
  • It’s easy for others to spot.

Notice that the last two are the same as IQ.  They’re both easy to demonstrate and spot.

EQ is hard to measure but it’s easy to spot.  The question is, how does it look different than IQ?

Let’s take a look at what are considered the elements of EQ.

One of the early books was written by Daniel Goleman titled Emotional Intelligence.  Since that initial book, written in 2009, something approaching thirty books have been written on the subject.

Let’s take a quick look at the elements identified in that initial book.

  • Self Awareness
  • Self-Regulation
  • Motivation
  • Empathy
  • Social Skills

Self Awareness

The ability to know one’s emotions: strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

This element of self-awareness is listed first among the five.  I believe it gets that rank because of it’s dependency on many of the other elements and requires the trait of humility which is listed as the first element of great leadership in my book “Trust Me”.

Strengths and weaknesses are also dependent on feedback from others.  The Johari Window describes this map.  Your strengths and weaknesses usually fall in “The Blind Self” window.  This window contains things you don’t know about yourself but others do know about you.  The only way to “open” that window is to ask for, listen to, and honestly process feedback from others.

Self Regulation

Involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

What are the disruptive emotions?  Let’s start with the ancient “Seven Deadly Sins”.  Broadly speaking, the seven deadly sins function as ethical guidelines.  The seven deadly sins include:

Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth

It may be better to think about the counter to each of those words

  • Humility – Pride
  • Kindness – Envy
  • Temperance – Gluttony
  • Chastity – Lust
  • Patience – Anger
  • Charity – Greed
  • Diligence – Sloth

Motivation

Being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.

Many people make it to the top of the organization because they are hyper-competitive.  Being motivated towards a great goal appeals to people much more than being competitive or beating someone.

I worked with a sales manager that may have been the most competitive person I ever met.  He won everything!  At first, the corporation thought this guy was superman.  But then the clients started to leave and go elsewhere.  When I talked with the clients they said, “This guy has a need to win everything.  We may have just given in to the greatest of demands but that’s not enough for him.  He has to win even the smallest of issues!  We’re going elsewhere.  He has destroyed our relationship.”

Empathy

Considering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions.

There’s a scene in the movie “You’ve got mail” between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.  Tom Hanks’s character owns a large bookstore and he’s just put Meg Ryan’s character out of business at her small, neighborhood bookstore.  When Meg finds out who he is, she goes ballistic.  In the middle of the rant, Tom moves back a few steps, puts up his hands, and says “It was only business.”  What he’s saying here is that business is by the numbers only.  It’s never about emotions.  Wrong!

Every time I’ve coached a leadership team to consider the emotions involved in a decision, not just the numbers, they’ve made a better decision.  Empathy is good for business.

Social Skills

Managing relationships to move people in the desired direction.

This is not about manipulation.  The human mind can detect manipulation quickly.  This is about getting buy-in.  This is about people wanting to go to the destination that you’re talking about.  People don’t buy ideas or concepts based on logic.  They buy things based on emotion.  They justify the purchase based on logic.

Years ago we were purchasing a small basic car for my wife for local transportation.  While they were bringing a car to the front for her to look at, the salesperson and I were drooling over a corvette in the showroom.  My wife finally said “I see no logical reason to buy a corvette.  After a few seconds of blank stares, we both said “What’s your point.  NO ONE buys a corvette for logical reasons.  They’re all purchased based on emotions!”

Marketing people learned this a long time ago.   Our purchases are based on emotions, not logic.  Even ideas.  We don’t buy into an idea unless it captures us emotionally.

EQ vs IQ

To improve your IQ, read.  To improve your EQ, build relationships, know who you are, where you’re going, and get people emotionally excited to join you in your journey.

 

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BlogLeadership

Increasing Skills Doesn’t Make a Good Leader

by Ron Potter July 30, 2020

The thought behind this blog was from an article on Entrepreneur.com.  Here is the list they developed as they talked about increasing leadership skills.  I agree with the list but the short paragraph after each one is based on my learning and experiences.

Trust is not automatic

Many leaders believe they are leaders because of their position or accomplishments.  Neither one makes you a good leader.  In fact, many people in the position of power on the corporate ladder are there because of their accomplishments.  For the most part, corporations aren’t very good at measuring leadership skills, but they’re very good at measuring accomplishments.  Accomplishments are seen and identified and can be checked off on a spreadsheet.  Leadership is a long-term game.  The rewards of great leadership may be seen in the short term, but will really happen over the long-term.

Kindness is underrated

The article identifies this as conscious kindness.  It shows or demonstrates how members of the team should treat each other.  I would also suggest that it goes beyond team members.  This can make a huge difference with customer-facing people.  Kindness sets a cultural standard that can be seen and experienced throughout the corporation.

I was playing golf with a group of friends and we were visiting a new course for the first time.  Our experience can be summed up as rudeness.  The clerk behind the counter was rude.  The starter was rude.  The rangers were rude.  We found out later that the course had been built by a wealthy person who considered it his private course and outside players were considered as intrusions.  The course is no longer in existence.

A word of caution.  Many people view kindness as never saying a “disparaging” word.  There is an old song titled Home on the Range recorded by many artists including John Denver, the muppets, and others.  Two lines of the lyrics are

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day

Having uncloudy skies all day can be wonderful but will also create many long term problems.  Rain is often needed.  Seldom hearing a discouraging word can also be wonderful but will also create long-term problems.  Honest criticism is often needed.  The interesting part is that criticism can be done in a very kind way with some practice.

I once worked with a leader who was certainly the “non-discouraging” type.  He was one of the kindest people I had ever met.  But his team would say to me, “I just wish I knew where I stand!”  When I asked for an explanation, they would say, “Our leader is so nice that I never hear one word of criticism.  That can’t be realistic.  “I just wish I knew where I stand.”

Be kind in your honesty.

Words are meaningless

Over the last several years I’ve been asked what I think of one President or another.  After figuring how to answer that question with kind honesty, I settled on the following approach.

I always say:  Watch what he does rather than listen to what he says.  This is another way of stating the old adage, “Action speaks louder than words.”

Again, some personal experience with another leader.  She would always say what she thought the recipient wanted to hear, regardless of what actions she would later take.  She thought it was kindness.  The people who worked for her saw it as a reason not to trust what she said.

Status quo is safe

IBM has lost much of the luster that it once had.  But during the years when I was dealing with IT departments, there was a saying that “Purchasing IBM equipment is always safe.”  Meaning that they could tell their leader that they had purchased IBM and the leaders would assume the best decision had been made.  Or at the very minimum, they would not criticize or fire the IT person for making the IBM decision.  It was safe!  It just wasn’t very innovative.

Power trips happen

As a father, I never wanted to resort to the words “Because I said so!” with my children.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how many times I violated that goal.  Power trips do happen, but in my book “Trust Me” the number one trait of trusted leaders is humility.  People know if it was a momentary power trip or a built-in trait.  Avoid power trips if you can.  Honestly apologize if they do happen.

Not everyone stays

One CEO I worked with said, “So you’ll show me who to fire from my current team?”  My answer was NO.  If you turn into a trustworthy leader, change the team and culture to match, people will self-select out.  People who don’t want to make the effort to follow the guidelines identified above, won’t stay.  They will seek an environment that allows them to ignore the guidelines above.

Look at each of the guidelines above.  How are you doing?  Each one takes discipline, growth, and a true belief that these traits will make a wonderful leader.

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BlogTeam

Divided

by Ron Potter July 2, 2020

I hesitated to use the word Racism in the title of this blog.  Many would say there is no way I could understand because I’m a gray-haired white male.  I’m sure there is some truth to that statement.  But, I was a young adult, going to college and living in southern Michigan when the Detroit riots occurred in the late sixties.  Those riots left me confused, hurting, and even angry.  I wasn’t sure what I should do.

Pastor of local Black Church

When the riots hit the city where I now live, many of those same feelings of confusion, hurting, and not knowing what to do surfaced again.  Turning into a gray-haired, old white male didn’t seem to help much.

Then I had an opportunity to listen to a teaching pastor at a local black church.  I really wanted to learn from what he had to say.  I found it interesting that he was “struggling, frustrated, angry, and hurting.”  He was not gray-haired or white but he expressed the same feelings I had been experiencing.

Five things that will help

It turns out that the scripture passage we were studying was about being peaceable.  When the local pastor was asked what it took to be Peaceable he gave a well thought out and knowledgable answer.

  1. Slow to Judge
  2. Quick to Listen
  3. Eager to learn
  4. Willing to identify
  5. Ready to speak up and act.

Slow to Judge

In today’s social media, internet-based, global world, it’s very easy to judge and too many people judge too quickly.  Maybe it’s a liberal or conservative making the statement and instead of listening what is said, people instantly write it off because it was said by the “other side”.

Maybe it’s a statement made by a European or Asian and people in the US judge it quickly as meaningless because they “don’t understand” how things work in the US.

The list would be too long to identify all of the times we’re quick to judge.  When you’re quick to judge, you leave no room for learning.

Quick to Listen

Do you listen with the intent to respond?  Or do you listen with the intent to understand?  Most of us, most of the time are listening with the intent to respond.  While the other person is talking (or shouting) we’re keeping track of each point made and creating our “checklist” of either reinforcing or countering the point being made.

How does that make the other person feel?

  • You’re not listening.
  • You’re stupid (or at least ignorant).
  • You want to win the argument which makes me want to say it louder and more forcefully.
  • The louder voice “wins.”

But, how does the other person feel if you demonstrate your desire to understand?

  • You’re truly interested in what they have to say.
  • You’re trying to expand your knowledge base to understand where they’re coming from
  • You’re not trying to win a shouting match.
  • Maybe we can reach a mutual understanding because they now may want to know what you have to say.

Eager to Learn

Socrates believed that knowledge was the ultimate virtue, best used to help people improve their lives. “The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance,”

Notice that Socrates said knowledge helped improve lives.  Ignorance is (not stupidity) is the lack of knowledge.  Why do some people remain Ignorant?  They refuse to learn.

Each person is coming from a perspective that is real and “true” to them.  For instance, I grew up in a small town.  But in my adult years, my business took me all over the world.  That changed my perspective.  I now saw the world differently than my friends and family who remained in that small town.

That doesn’t make it wrong, it just gives them a different perspective.  The best way to develop relationships and understanding is to understand someone’s perspective.  This requires the first two elements, Slow to Judge, and Quick to Listen.

Psychology tells us that cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values.

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous quote says “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

The world is full of opposing ideas and perspectives.  Don’t hold on to yours to the point of stress and discomfort.  Learn!

Willing to Identify

In my mind, this may be the most difficult.  Not because we don’t want to identify with the other person but because our perspectives become so strong in our lives.  I don’t have the same experiences as someone else.  They also don’t have the same experiences that I have.  We can identify by hearing their story, listening to their experiences, and finally relating it to some experience we’ve had.  Then we begin to identify.

Don’t take the position that “You just don’t understand!  You haven’t had the experiences I have!”  That’s true.  I haven’t had the experiences you’ve had.  But I’ve had good and bad experiences.  And I can empathize with what you’re experiencing.  It’s how we grow together.

Ready to Speak up and Act

There are a lot of forces in our lives that tell us to just be quiet.  It actually starts in elementary school.  The teacher often told us to sit down and be quiet.

We’ve also been told by people (with different perspectives) that our ideas and words are stupid.  So we sit quietly because we don’t want to look stupid.

In today’s world of social media, we can quickly be criticized for our thoughts and ideas.  In this anonymous and divided world, it can quickly be labeled as hate language.  There is a fear of being labeled for our thoughts.

I experienced it writing this blog.  What if I push a wrong button and it is all of a sudden seen as hateful rather than helpful.  I just want to speak up in an effort to help.  But I have this fear of pushing the wrong button.  One I’m not even aware of.

And what about unconscious bias?  We hear that phrase a lot today.  And people are being accused of having unconscious bias as if it’s a flaw.  But what do the words mean?  Unconscious: the part of the mind which is inaccessible to the conscious mind.  It’s inaccessible!  It’s ignorance, not stupidity.

I’ve chosen through the years to keep this blog focused on building team, leadership, and corporate cultures.  I didn’t want to venture into politics, religion, or racism because of this fear of being misunderstood.  But the pastor’s five steps ends with “Be ready to speak up and act.”

I don’t’ know if he intended to put them in order but I do suggest that we don’t speak up until we’ve progressed openly through the first four steps.

Teams

And just to get back to more familiar ground, these five steps also help grow great teams.

  1. Slow to Judge
  2. Quick to Listen
  3. Eager to learn
  4. Willing to identify
  5. Ready to speak up and act.

Learn and practice the five steps to address division.  They help us become better people and build better teams.

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BlogTeam

The Illusory Truth Effect

by Ron Potter April 9, 2020

Not everything we believe is true. We may act like it is and it may be uncomfortable to think otherwise, but it’s inevitable that we all hold a substantial number of beliefs that aren’t objectively true. It’s not about opinions or different perspectives. We can pick up false beliefs for the simple reason that we’ve heard them a lot.”

This is a quote by Shane Parrish, blogger at Farnam Street.  Shane was the first blogger that I followed and one reason I turned to him is his focus on critical thinking.  What I mean by critical thinking is his ability to examine where his own thoughts start and progress.

Illusory truth effect

Shane points out reasons.  “The illusory truth effect is the reason why advertising works and why propaganda is one of the most powerful tools for controlling how people think. It’s why the speech of politicians can be bizarre and multiple-choice tests can cause students problems later on. It’s why fake news spreads and retractions of misinformation don’t work.”  I don’t intend to turn this blog into a political statement but his point is a good one.  We can get caught up in the belief of the day very easily.

Why does the effect exist?

“As with other cognitive shortcuts, the typical explanation is that it’s a way our brains save energy. Thinking is hard work—remember that the human brain uses up about 20% of an individual’s energy, despite accounting for just 2% of their body weight.

The illusory truth effect comes down to processing fluency. When a thought is easier to process, it requires our brains to use less energy, which leads us to prefer it.  That means that processing them was easier for their brains.”

Cause of misinformation

This can become a harsh reality on business teams that must be guarded against.  Why does it happen in the first place,  especially when team members are smart and well-intended?  “It’s the result of people being overworked or in a hurry and unable to do due diligence.  The signal to noise ratio is so skewed that we have a hard time figuring out what to pay attention to and what we should ignore. No one has time to verify everything.”

Cure for misinformation

As a business that must make decisions based on the truth, how do we sort it out and make sure we’re making good decisions?

SHARE!

First, understand that this susceptibility to illusory truth is very natural.  It happens to everyone.  Agree that no one is above the siren call and all are susceptible.  There is no one (except GOD) who knows it all!

Second, share your illusory truth and label it as such.  It’s not that any person on the team knows the truth and all others are working with a handicap, even the boss.  It’s that we all work with our illusory truths.

Once the illusory truth is shared by each member we can

  • Begin to understand where that person is coming from
  • Begin to form the truth (or at least a team illusory truth)
  • Make some action plans

While it’s natural that every person has their illusory truth, it’s also natural that every team has their illusory truth as well.  You may make a team decision or commitment to an illusory truth and that’s OK.  As long as you know it’s based on illusory truth and not what’s true or false.

Get all the illusory truth on the table by sharing.  Make a team decision and commitment.  This may be based on real or illusory truth.  Make sure it’s identified properly.  And no matter which type of truth the decision is made upon, make sure there is a team commitment to the decision.  Commitment is what’s important.

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BlogLeadership

Optimism Leads to Success

by Ron Potter March 5, 2020

A recent quote about Warren Buffet said:

Your success didn’t lead to optimism, your optimism lead to your success.”

Optimism

Wikipedia defines optimism as “A mental attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcomes of some specific endeavor will be positive, favorable, and desirable.”

Notice that it says a mental attitude.  In simple terms, pilots are interested in altitude and attitude.  Altitude refers to how high you are.  How much you have achieved.  Some measure of success (money, position, title).

Attitude is a reference to the natural horizon.  Are you pointed up, down, left-leaning or right-leaning?

Success to Optimism

If your optimism depends on success, you’ll soon realize that success is fickle.  One change regardless of the cause can change your success overnight.

  • Markets change – talk to Polaroid or VHS producers.
  • Appetites change – ask package food companies
  • Fashion changes – ask Henry Ford about auto colors.  He is reported to have said, “They can have any color they want as long as it’s black.”
  • Disruption– ask companies about competitors coming out with new products that eat into margins of successful products

The point here is that “success” can change very rapidly and have nothing to do with your actions.  If your optimism depends on success, it will change as rapidly.

Optimism to Success

On the other hand, if you tend to be an optimistic person, that seems to withstand external success and failure.  I’ve had three different successful careers.  Upon graduation from engineering school, I had a “successful” career working with wonderful teams building large projects.  Some of them approaching a billion dollars in their construction budget.

Then one day I was introduced to my first pc.  This was before Microsoft,  IBM, and Apple.  And yet I felt that this little box was about to change our lives.  I spent the next ten years with a “successful” career in the software development business.

Then I took on the career that I felt I had been headed for all my life.  I became an external coach focused on Teams, Leadership and Culture.  I spent nearly thirty wonderful years in that career.

You were just lucky

Along the way, many people would tell me that I was just lucky.  I guess they just chose to ignore those times when I went broke pursuing those careers.  They seem to ignore the hard work and difficulties that I overcame to achieve my “success.”  But there were those few that understood the hard work and heartaches that I was going through during those tough times.  One colleague whom I had not seen in person for many years asked me how I was doing.  When I answered with a simple “OK”, his reaction was that I must be really down.  He explained that I had always been one of the most optimistic persons he had ever known so if I was simply doing “OK” I must really be down.

Your success didn’t lead to optimism, your optimism lead to your success

Times were indeed difficult.  But I was always optimistic.  It may just be me but I’ve noticed through the years that I don’t even care to be around people who are pessimistic.  They’re just downers in my mind.  Times were always difficult in one way or another.  But being optimistic vs pessimistic is a choice.  Chose Optimistic.  It makes life much easier along the way.

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Short Book Reviews

Factfulness

by Ron Potter August 1, 2019

Ron’s Short Review: One of my clients used to say “Things are never as bad as they seem and never as good as they seem.” He was right. This book says, “the world is not as dramatic as it seems. Factfulness, like a healthy diet and regular exercise, can and should become part of your daily life. Start to practice it, and you will be able to replace your overdramatic worldview with a worldview based on facts. You will be able to get the world right without learning it by heart. You will make better decisions, stay alert to real dangers and possibilities, and avoid being constantly stressed about the wrong things.”

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BlogTeamTeam Series

Team Elements – Commitment: Diversity

by Ron Potter June 20, 2019

We’re looking at the element of Commitment in our Truth, Respect, Elegance, Commitment (TREC) journey to great teams.

Last week we talked about the trust required in great teams.  Trust of purpose, leader, and team members.  In building that trust we must look at the diversity of thinking and points of view.

Word of Caution

During my career, I have been asked to either lead a “diversity” effort or coach the person who was leading the effort.   The first thing that struck me was that diversity was defined by outward appearance.  Race and gender were the two most common ones but any number of characteristics can be identified.

Inclusion, not Diversity

One of my first reactions was that it shouldn’t be called “Diversity training” it should be named “Inclusion training.”  Because the name identified it as diversity, it seemed like the curriculum was based on emphasizing the diversity rather than turning it to inclusion.

As I got to know the people who were to be part of the process, I noticed that two members thought similar to each other even though they were of a different race and gender.  While another pair almost never saw eye-to-eye even though they were the same race and gender.

Diversity of Thinking

Great teams have learned to respect different points of view and how to work with those differences as simply differences.  Not good or bad.  Not right or wrong.  Just differences.

In my car the other day, I heard an old song by Dave Mason that hits this one right on the head.  The words are:

There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy
There’s only you and me and we just disagree

No good.  No bad.  Just disagreement.  Let’s start with the fact that we just see things differently.

Brain Science

Why is that?  Why can we observe the same thing and yet it seems like we see things differently?

One of the tools that have helped answer that question is the functional MRI (fMRI).  The MRI has been around for years but it simply took a snapshot.  The fMRI takes video!  We can actually see movement within the brain.

When our eyes observe an event, the image isn’t simply recorded on our brain and then stored on our “hard drive.”  There are two major flaws in believing that’s how we see the world around us.

Brain Processing Centers

First, are the known processing centers of our brain.

  • Values
  • Emotions
  • Goals
  • Beliefs
  • Ideas
  • Memories
  • Pain
  • Stress
  • Experiences

There are somewhere over twelve processing centers known today and many scientists believe there may be at least twice that many.

What we know from the fMRI is that when an image enters our eyeball and the optic nerve, it is split into at least 127 million bits of information and dispersed throughout the processing centers named above.  The image is then funneled through the ancient processing centers of motion detection and object recognition before being “reassembled” into coherent perception.

Think about that for a minute.  You and I can watch the same event.  But, because I have very different emotions, goals, beliefs, memories. etc. the image that is “reassembled” in my brain can and will be different from the image reassembled in your brain.  We see different things!

Courtroom judges will tell you that if two eyewitnesses tell the same story, the judge knows there has been collusion because “no two eyewitnesses ever see the same thing!”  We see things differently!  Just because someone has a whole different take on a situation don’t mean they’re not telling the “truth.”  “There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy.  There’s only you and me and we just disagree.”

Memory is Not a Hard drive

Because we’ve been using personal computers now for several decades, we’ve come to think that our memory functions much the same as computer memory.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  When we enter data onto a computer storage device or in the cloud, we can depend on it to be exactly the same when we retrieve it in the future.  However, our human memory doesn’t work that way.  Not only is it modified by the processing centers that we just talked about, but new experiences are also constantly modifying our memory from the moment it’s stored.  Our memory is never an accurate representation of what was first stored in our brain.

Beliefs and Assumption

Because of this science-based understanding, we should start conversations about decisions and difficult topics by having everyone share their beliefs and assumptions.  They’re all valid.  It will help you understand where others are coming from.  It will help them understand your position.  It will actually give the team a great foundation to begin working toward a position of commitment.

Appreciate diverse thinking!  It’s powerful!  It gives us a broader range of perspectives and helps us move forward together.  Every point of view is an accurate one.

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BlogTrust Me

Golf and Preference

by Ron Potter June 10, 2019

Let’s talk about golf!

Golf is an enigma. (Now there’s a classic understatement!)

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. It’s more complicated than that.”
—Gardner Dickinson

The sport abounds with perplexity and paradox: fairway and rough, dry land and water, green and sand trap. And then there are all the complexities involving mind and body.

Golf and Hand-Preference

Most of us are born with an arm/hand preference. Some of us are right-handed; others are left-handed. Golf says, “Don’t use what comes naturally! Let your other hand (your out-of-preference side) pull the swing through the ball.”

For example, for many players their right hand is dominant in all other aspects of their lives. But in golf, if they allow the right hand to control their golf swing, the ball hooks—hello rough.

However, if they learn to use their left hand effectively—a new swing style—they will hit the ball straighter and have lower scores (which, of course, in golf is better).

So how is this relevant?

Isn’t that just like leadership? If we allow our dominant preferences to always be in control, we will often not have complete success. However, we can learn to adjust our style away from a dominant (and in some cases damaging) preference and become better leaders if we are willing to make some changes.

To be successful in golf, players need to learn how to overcome or “position” their natural tendencies (or preferences) in order to hit just the right shot.

This is also true with leadership. We look for and focus on our strengths, but we are better leaders when we also allow other qualities to develop and come to the forefront. For example, it is not natural for many of us to be humble team builders. It is much easier to strive for the attention of others and build a personal résumé, ignoring the team’s input and value.

The temptation will always be to head in the other direction—toward the dominant preferences inside us and on every side in our environment. But by intentional effort we can learn to be humble and at the same time increase our success as a leader.

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BlogTeamTeam Series

Team Elements – Respect: Envy, Anger, Grudges

by Ron Potter March 28, 2019

We’re continuing our series on building great teams.  Great teams happen when we have

  • Truth
  • Respect
  • Elegance
  • Commitment

We’re still working our way through the Respect series with the final set of circumstances of Envy, Anger, and Grudges.  No, great teams don’t possess these attributes, great teams avoid these attributes. Envy, Anger, and Grudges are team weaknesses that can be lethal to your team’s well-being.

Envy

Envy is the first of the team weaknesses we’ll discuss. Great teams snuff out envy whenever it rears its ugly head.  Here are some attributes of Envy:

  • Discontented or resentful by someone else’s possessions, qualities, luck, or accomplishments, style or attribute.
  • An emotion which occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality or achievement.
  • Desires to deprive another of what they have.
  • Delights in degrading those who are more deserving.

Envy occurs when someone feels inferior to others and will do what they can to undermine or chop down those who possess more or achieve more than themselves.

At its roots, this is a comparison issue.  Always comparing yourself to others is a losing battle.  Jordan Peterson in his book 12 Rules of Life: An antidote to chaos states in rule number 4 “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”  Comparing yourself to who you were yesterday puts you on the path of growth.

I once had a pastor who was fond of talking about the little boy pushing his wagon up a hill.  As soon as he sat down in the wagon to rest, he found himself at the bottom of the hill.  Never stop growing!  Never stop learning!  As soon as you give up on your own growth and development, envy creeps in.   You begin to be resentful of what others have or what others have become.

Envy is destructive.  Its first target is yourself.  Its second target is those around you.  As Jordan Peterson says, an antidote to chaos is to continue growing.

Anger

As the second of the team weaknesses, Anger that is directed at circumstances or failures can be healthy if it is channeled properly.  Eruptions of anger are seldom positive.  Expressing anger and disappointment in a safe environment can help everyone deal with the loss and adversity.

I’ve often run exercises with teams that have experienced great loss and disappointment.  Working in small groups I allow each person to express their emotions by writing them on flip charts.  No holds barred.  Get it all out.  Once the teams have exhausted the extent of their anger, we take the flip charts that were created, post them on the wall, share them with each other and then hand every chart out to members of the team.  They are then instructed to tear the flip charts into as many pieces as possible, throw the pieces into the middle of the floor (expressing as much anger as they can while doing so) and then we all jump on the pile of pieces and stomp on them as viciously as possible.  By the time the stomping has slowed to a stop I always witness a moment of somber quiet.  But then someone breaks out in a big grin.  Another joins them.  It soon turns to laughter and people start expressing how cathartic the exercise was.  In one form or another people shout out “Wow, I haven’t felt this good in a long time!”  The anger dissipates.  Calm heads return.  And a new determination emerges in the room to move on, work hard, figure out how to overcome and get better.

All too often the anger remains covert.  People assume they must hold their head up high, don’t complain and keep going.  When things remain covert it’s almost impossible to deal with them.  Once we brought out the anger in an overt but healthy way, new energy emerges from the team and it makes it possible to move forward.

Grudges

The third and most subtle of the team weaknesses, Grudges can be caused be either envy or anger but they just keep resurfacing over time.  It’s probably because it remains overt until that moment when it erupts once again.

One of my teams referred to the practices as “replaying old tapes.”  Something would happen on the team that didn’t seem to make sense to me and finally, someone else would explain, “Oh, they’re just replaying old tapes from what happened a few years ago.”  A few years ago?  Are you kidding me?  People are still holding and expressing grudges after a few years and no one has dealt with it yet?  Amazing.

Leaders and teams must call out grudges and put a stop to them.  Maybe it will take a team exercise like the anger one described above.  Maybe it will take some one-on-one discussions with the leader or a coach.  Maybe a leader needs to decide to help a team member move on if they can’t get past old issues.  Grudges can be like deep infections.  They continue to resurface.  Sometimes a mild antibiotic will heal an infection.  I dealt with one of those antibiotic-resistant infections a few years ago.  It took a direct injection of the most powerful antibiotic every three hours for six weeks.

Infections can be tough to deal with.  Grudges can be just as tough because they pop to the surface periodically.  You must get to the root of them and deal with them to have healthy teams.

In this post, we’ve talked about the team weaknesses you should avoid to build great teams.  In the previous post, we talked about the positive things that need to be present to develop great Respect within teams.  We’ll wrap up Respect with our next post to pull it all together with focus.

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Being GenuineBlogCulture

Being Genuine – Part II

by Ron Potter November 8, 2018

In my last blog post, I set up this series of posts based on an article written by Travis Bradberry in Forbes a couple of years ago titled “12 Habits of Genuine People.”

Here is his list of 12:

  1. They don’t try to make people like them.
  2. They don’t pass judgment.
  3. They forge their own paths.
  4. They are generous.
  5. They treat everyone with respect.
  6. They aren’t motivated by material things.
  7. They are trustworthy.
  8. They are thick-skinned.
  9. They put away their phones.
  10. They aren’t driven by ego.
  11. They aren’t hypocrites.
  12. They don’t brag.

I would like to add my comments and observations to these over the next few blogs.

Ego, Hypocrite, Braggart

Let me start by consolidating the last three on the list, Genuine people aren’t driven by ego, aren’t hypocrites and don’t brag. These three are related in some way.

Ego and bragging are driven by fear. Every time someone says to me, “That person certainly has a big ego”, my first reaction is to wonder what it is they fear. I’m going to suggest that we all have a fear of “being found out.” I know that I deal with this one a lot. Once they discover that I’m just a simple guy from a small town with a degree in engineering (rather than psychology or organizational development) they’ll wonder why I’m here to be a team and leadership consultant/coach. But if we realize that we each bring a unique experience, understanding, and curiosity to every situation, we begin to realize that we do indeed have value. We don’t need to brag about it or let our ego get in the way.

Being a hypocrite is slightly different in that they don’t necessarily practice what they preach. The root of the word meant “stage actor”. The actor was pretending to be someone they weren’t. Being a hypocrite is putting up a false front, pretending to be someone you’re not. It takes the concept of “being found out” one step further. A hypocrite has no intention of being found out. No intention of being genuine or real. They’ll put on their game face and keep up the false front in any circumstance. You never really know who they are or what they really stand for.

I have two experiences with my clients that penetrate their “game face.” One is when I do a feedback session with them and another is when I run an exercise I call “Human Beings, not Human Doings” in team sessions.

Shedding the Game Face

As part of my consulting practice, I often do 360 feedback sessions. It gains the term 360 because it gathers data from all around the candidate, Direct Reports, Peers, and Boss.

I’ve noticed through the years that my client will walk into these sessions with a very strong “game face.” Whatever they see as their signature approach, direct, unyielding, humorous, carefree, it doesn’t make a difference, they’re determined to maintain that game face through the session.

However, as we begin to investigate the depths of the feedback and the responses from the 360 are different than the self-assessment, I notice a change in their face. It’s a real physical change. Muscles begin to relax or deform, eyes seem less steely, the shape of the mouth can change dramatically. When they begin to drop their protective barrier and begin receiving real, direct feedback their game face begins to change. Their face begins to change. They turn to a more genuine person.

Another exercise I run is Human Beings, not Human Doings. In this exercise performed with a team, each person talks about people or events which have profoundly shaped their values and behaviors. For a moment people are talking about who they are, not what they do. This exercise has never failed to include tears, hearty laughter, great sympathy, and real understanding. For a moment, people have shed their game face.

Genuine Person

When you’re a genuine person, there is no need for ego, hypocrisy or bragging. Every human being is unique, wonderful, enjoyable, enthusiastic and curious. Don’t hide behind your game face. Don’t be an actor on stage. Be a genuine human being. People will want to be part your world and what you stand for. This is the basis for great leadership.

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Being GenuineBlogCulture

Being Genuine – Part I

by Ron Potter November 1, 2018

A couple of years ago Travis Bradberry wrote an article for Forbes titled “12 Habits of Genuine People.” He begins the article by looking at the concept of Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ). It’s been demonstrated that people with high EQ’s perform better, get paid better and are better leaders. His point is EQ doesn’t produce any of those benefits if you’re not genuine.

Timeless Message

That title caught my eye and it went into the pile of topics for blogs. Well it’s now two years later but as I reread the article it has a timeless message that will never go out of date.

I’m going to comment on his 12 Habits in a series of blog posts and will consolidate a few of them. Here is his list of 12:

  1. They don’t try to make people like them.
  2. They don’t pass judgment.
  3. They forge their own paths.
  4. They are generous.
  5. They treat everyone with respect.
  6. They aren’t motivated by material things.
  7. They are trustworthy.
  8. They are thick-skinned.
  9. They put away their phones.
  10. They aren’t driven by ego.
  11. They aren’t hypocrites.
  12. They don’t brag.

Genuine

Let’s start with the definition of Genuine. As I looked up the history and meaning of the word I would see many references to the word “Authentic” and vise versa. The two words seem to be tightly coupled.

We can learn a lot by looking at the synonyms and you wouldn’t be surprised by any of them. Both words have many of the same synonyms. But I often find it more revealing to look at the antonyms.

Antonyms

  • Bogus
  • Insincere
  • Fake
  • Unreliable

The antonyms begin to paint a very clear and often recognizable picture. Both our experience and brain science notes that the human mind seems to be very aware of and skeptical of anything that appears to be bogus, insincere, fake or unreliable. These things are rooted in the deepest part of our brain that is on a constant lookout for danger. Most of it happens in the subconscious but as soon as our brain sends up some warnings our body begins to react in many ways to gain our attention and prepare us for fight or flight.

Think about your reaction to those words.

Bogus

We’re watching TV and suddenly the words say, “Wait! Order now and we’ll double your order for the same price of $19.99!” What’s your reaction? BOGUS

Insincere

The words are coming out of their mouth but there is no real concern in their expression. We instantly know that the words are INSINCERE.

Fake

We hear this one almost every day. FAKE news. FAKE stories. FAKE accusations. I’ve heard many family and friends say, “I don’t know who to trust anymore.” The only way to judge news and behaviors is to know what you believe in, what you stand for and why.

Unreliable

Did someone do what they said they were going to do? Are they reliable? This brings in many of the synonyms related to genuine and authentic: dependable, trustworthy, honest, faithful. If people don’t live up to these standards, they are UNRELIABLE.

Being Genuine

Being genuine is a lot of things. But it is not bogus, insincere, fake or unreliable. Over the next few posts, we’ll look at Mr. Bradberry’s list to help us stay on the path of being genuine.

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