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Essence of Empathy

by Ron Potter
Image source: aotaro Creative Commons

Image source: aotaro Creative Commons

I’ve written about and will continue to write about the elements that help create great teams. Two aspects of great teams is patience and kindness. I believe you can combine those two words to roughly reflect the meaning of the word empathy.

Geoff Colnin in his September 2014 column for Fortune Magazine exposes some research by the University of Michigan and University of Rochester Medical Center that says, “Empathy among American college students has declined significantly over the past 30 years.” The chart shows about a 13% drop since the early 90’s but indicates a much more rapid decline in the last 10 years.

Another telling factor in Colnin’s column was identifying that a significant number of online postings for jobs that paid more than $100,000 per year listed empathy or empathetic traits as job requirements.

I have been emphasizing the need for strong face-to-face relationship building for years with my corporate clients. One line from Alvin Toffler’s book Future Shock from years ago has always stuck with me. That line was, “High tech, high touch.” His point was not to assume that the increase in technology was going to diminish the need for personal relationships, the need for personal relationships was going to increase right along with the technical capabilities.

Colvin summed it up nicely with, “we have evolved exquisitely to connect in person. Consider what happens when you’re near someone and his or her face displays an emotion fleetingly, through a so-called micro-expression. Your own face mimics that expression within milliseconds, and the other person, in turn, detects your response.  You have empathized without either one of you being aware of it.”

You are obviously aware of it, just maybe not consciously. But you’ve connected. It’s personal. It’s real. And it doesn’t happen through email or text or Facebook or whatever electronically. It happens personally. It happens humanly.

To build great teams we must be patient, we must be kind. We must empathize with each other. And that only happens face-to-face.

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BlogLeadership

10 Ways to Step Aside So Your Team Will Stand Out

by Ron Potter
Photo credit: Jason Eppink, Creative Commons

Photo credit: Jason Eppink, Creative Commons

 

A humble leader steps aside so that others can run by and seize the prize of their own greatness. But just how is this done?  Let’s take a closer look:

  1. Expect the best of others

Leaders who expect the best of others exert a powerful influence. Many times leaders get caught in the trap of judging others. They measure, categorize, and classify people and the jobs they perform. Put the emphasis on solid behavior and good intentions. It forces managers to assume and reward the best. It helps leaders not make rigid rules that hold down employees who want to soar.

  1. Learn to listen

An ancient adage says “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow anger.” Being quick to listen implies that a leader is paying attention, that he or she is not distracted but is actively hearing what the other person is saying. A humble leader listens with the intent of understanding rather than responding.

  1. Reward honest communication

How do you react when someone tells you bad news? Does the messenger become a target for your arrows? Our reaction to feedback will make all the difference in being able to move forward.

  1. Admit your mistakes

Humble, open leaders show vulnerability. And nothing demonstrates vulnerability quite like admitting mistakes. “I was wrong” is difficult to say, but it is one of the most freeing and powerful statements a leader can make. Admitting your mistakes allows others on the team to relax and admit their mistakes. It allows the team to breathe and grow.

  1. Commit to developing others

Developing others first takes personal commitment and desire. It means taking the time to know people—their preferences, skills, and goals. This is most often accomplished in personal relationships.

  1. Seek commitment

Once people understand your goals and you begin to understand their needs and potential, you can then seek their commitment. Good leaders understand the need to develop committed people.

  1. Share the dream

Leaders often make the mistake of not being open or sharing their vision and goals with their people. Your vision is not something to hide. Sharing it with others helps them understand what they need to contribute. You can then develop their potential around a shared vision.  A shared vision is the only way to create team unity.

  1. Set goals

Developing people’s potential (and then being open to their ideas) involves setting mutually agreed-upon goals. Individuals also need to know whether they are meeting the standard.

  1. Reward and recognize

In addition to setting goals, it is important to make people feel appreciated. Money simply levels the playing field. Employees believe you are simply providing fair compensation for their additional efforts; therefore, money pays only for what they have already given. A true rewards recognize peoples potential and goals and helps them develop the needed skills.

  1. Allow for midcourse corrections

Do not be rigid in your planning with people. Invariably, changes in market conditions, employee needs, and other factors will alter plans and goals. That’s life; that’s okay. Developing someone’s potential is not a fixed proposition but rather a fluid system that responds to his or her needs and skills as well as your needs and vision.

Humility is costly, but there are incredible and often surprising rewards for leaders who recognize their own personal strengths and limitations while seeing and encouraging the greatness in others. Sometimes the ramifications of this timeless insight bring a smile.

Please share a “smile” with us today!

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BlogLeadership

Pay Attention

by Ron Potter

What are you willing to pay for?

Maybe it’s that nicer car or maybe just the nicer option package on the car you’ve already decided to buy.

Maybe it’s shopping at Whole Foods versus another grocery store.

Maybe it’s those concert tickets in the center stage seats.

There are certain things beyond our necessities that we’re willing to pay for. But why? That less expensive car still gets you from point A to point B. Sitting farther back at the concert may even provide better sound. So why do we pay for these items? Perceived value!

Image Source: 401(k), Creative Commons

Image Source: 401(k), Creative Commons

We’re willing part with our hard earned resources because our perception is that it will provide us with value that we appreciate.

Have you noticed that from our elementary school days, we’ve been told to pay attention! Why do we have to pay to give someone our attention? Because it takes focus, concentration, discipline, and, most importantly, there will be a value received for the price paid.

Therein lies the problem. If we don’t actually believe that we’ll learn something by paying attention or that the other person has nothing of value to offer, we’re not willing to pay. This relates closely to another blog I wrote about listening with the intent to understand. If we’re not willing to discipline ourselves to truly understand the other person or pay to give someone our attention then we’re exposing our own ego and arrogance.

When our ego and arrogance is the driving force behind our inability to understand another person or we’re not willing to pay the price of granting another person our attention, we’ve violated the first principle of great leadership: humility.

When great leaders are willing to work from a foundation of humility by offering to pay to give others their attention in order to truly understand the other person, they begin to create a culture that develops great teams that are able to grow together to generate a synergy that surpasses their own expectations.

Be willing to pay attention, you’ll be blown away by the value you’ll receive.

I think of doctors in clinical environments. I consider my cardiologist one of the best doctors I’ve ever had because while he is with me it seems that I’m the only thing that matters to him. Although I know he is paying a great price by giving me his attention and not being distracted by all of the commotion going on outside the room. I appreciate the price he pays.

Share with us about the time when someone paid the price to give you their attention.

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BlogLeadership

Listening With the Intent to Understand

by Ron Potter
Image Source: shorpy.com

Image Source: shorpy.com

The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. It’s okay. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. I know you can.

If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of checklist:

  • Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those.
  • That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that.
  • That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home.
  • I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. How could they be so naive?

Then the moment happens. The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. It makes no difference; it’s a pause.
So you jump in:

“Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”

And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats.

If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. Most of us do it. Most of us do it most of the time. It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it.

When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. You’re wondering:

  • I wonder why they believe that?
  • I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past?
  • I wonder who they trust on this and why?
  • I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome?

If you’re truly curious and wondering, then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different.
Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts.
You may actually ask if there is a conclusion or further thought.
You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background.

Whatever you’re response. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. This sparks a very different reaction on their part.
A few key things happen from their point-of-view:

  • Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view.
  • They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it.
  • And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view.

Steven Covey, in his The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about.

Listen with the intent to understand. Practice it. Use it often. You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view.
Try it. It will be refreshing.

And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of great leaders is humility. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand.

What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand?

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BlogLeadership

Email Overload

by Ron Potter

Scott Adams, the creator of the cartoon, Dilbert recently said on CNBC’s Squawk Box,

“I’m pretty sure [email] has destroyed my soul.”

He described email as a job in itself, which no longer enhances productivity. Although still useful and productive in many ways, Scott’s point is all too obviously valid.

But here’s a trick that will quickly eliminate a substantial portion of email overload and will improve your team at the same time.

You’ve gotten to be a leader because you’ve been good at what you do. You’re a problem solver. You’re efficient. You see the issues clearly. You’ve been the go-to person. You’re the leader.

So when that email comes in, what’s your first instinct? Solve the problem! Give the answer! Clarify the issue! Do what you’ve always done to be successful! But none of that is leading. All of that is doing. You need to lead!

Image Source: BuzzFarmer, Creative Commons

Image Source: BuzzFarmer, Creative Commons

So here’s the trick that will eliminate a large percentage of email very quickly. Your first reply should be, “Why are you sending me this email?” You’ll quickly see that many emails are sent to you because people don’t want to be accountable for their actions. And they’ve discovered if they send you an email, you quickly solve the problem; Clarify the issue; direct the resources; etc.: instant solution. Problem solved. They don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting. If things go wrong, they have the email showing that you took the action. And at review time, they claim credit for the successful completion of projects.

Your first reaction to any email is to ask yourself (and them) why am I receiving this email? If you simply solve the problem by answering the question, you’ve accepted the accountability. You’ve “lost your soul” to email, as Scott says, and your people have not developed because they’re not accepting accountability. You’re a doer, not a leader.

How have you used (or stopped using) email to develop people or increase productivity? Or if you just want to vent about email, send us a comment.

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BlogTeam

Decide: We’ve Got it All Backwards

by Ron Potter

I’ve learned this concept from Chris McGoff. In his book, The Primes: How Any Group Can Solve Any Problem, Chris lays out numerous frameworks on how teams work. One of the most powerful for me and many of my teams is understanding the meaning of the word “Decide.”

I’m not trying to be morbid here, but what do the following words have in common?: pesticide, homicide, suicide, genocide? They all end in “cide.” In Latin, the word means kill, killer, murderer, to cause death. One of my clients who was a Latin student said there was even an indication of public execution—to put to death publicly.

So, if we go back to our word decide, it doesn’t mean to figure out what to do, it means to figure out what to kill.

If leaders and teams would actually start killing off the options or directions they’ve decided not to pursue, a great amount of resources could be saved and redirected toward the chosen path.

When you must decide, figure out what you’re going to kill and publicly execute it.

Image Source: Brandon Doran

Image Source: Brandon Doran

All too often, we decide what we’re going to do and we muster the resources to pursue that option. But no one tells the many people down through the organization what to stop doing. And in fact, there’s lots of momentum in the life of the organization for people to continue doing what they’ve been doing over the last several months or years. If you don’t publicly execute that work, they’ll naturally continue to do it.

As I was working through this concept with one of my clients, one team member said, “But we’re really good at prioritizing our work.” And she was right. The organization was really good at knowing which issues should receive top priority and the most resources. But as we continued to pursue the concept, it became painfully obvious how many resources were being applied to extremely low priority items. In fact, by deciding to kill off those low priority items it was astounding how many resources would be freed up to concentrate on the things that really need to be accomplished.

When faced with a team or leadership decision, decide what to kill and then publicly execute it and you’ll be amazed at how many more resources you have available to pursue the path of success.

Why do we have such a hard time killing off projects, initiative, lines of work or almost anything that people have been dedicating their time to? I can think of several reasons but what’s your experience? Share with us.

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